20 Random Thougts

I have stacks of essays to read. I have pages and pages of worksheets to look at. I have one very large assignment for my online class which was due on the 8th that I haven't even started yet. But what am I doing? Perusing blogs, watching Elf with my student, and munching on all the candy I have received today. (One of the few benefits of teaching Sophomores: they still give teacher gifts.)

I just have a few things on my mind that I need to get out of this crazy head of mine. I have come to the conclusion that I am kind of weird.

1. Alice was so mad a me today for going to work. She followed me out the door and yelled, "Stop It, Mama!" I am so glad I have two full weeks to be a mommy! But it makes me wonder what it's going to be like at the end of the two weeks.

2. The Magnum P.I Theme was on a mascara commercial last night. I couldn't help thinking, "This is NOT good!" It's sad that people will forever think that Magnum P.I theme song is really mascara music.

3. I really, really, REALLY hated Elizabeth on Biggest Loser.

4. My pants didn't fit this morning. Blech.

5. I don't have to make dinner tonight--lots of leftovers. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE cooking. I just don't like working full time and then cooking in a messy house.

6. I taught myself to knit last night. Then again, I don't know if knitting a 2 inch scrap counts as learning how to knit. But it's a beginning.

7. I wonder what would happen if I just decided to quit. Right now. Not come back? It's tempting.

8. Someday I am going to write a book and it's going to be made into a Disney movie, and then I'm going to be rich. Do you know what I'm going to do? Get my nails done. I miss them.

9. I really do not like funny Will Ferrell. I like serious Will Ferrell. Everyone should watch Stranger Than Fiction. It's my favorite movie.

10. I should watch Music and Lyrics some more.

11. I want to buy more Christmas presents just so I can wrap them.

12. I wish the Book of Mormon counted as American Literature. It would be fun to teach.

13. Here's what I think; I think most teachers don't really like teaching. They like learning. The only way to be a professional learner and make a living is to be a teacher. And then there's the teenager that you can publicly mock. They don't really know you're doing it, either.

14. I need more music in my life. I can't find any good radio stations that play new music that isn't jiggy-boo crap or country. Any suggestions?

15. I am reading Pride Prejudice. I've read it once before, but it didn't really count because I read it in one day because I thought it was due on Monday. So I didn't get a lot of it.

16. I would also get laser hair removal if I were rich.

17. I really want a big bowl of soup. And crab legs. Not together.

18. I miss my DVR. It seems that once you have one, there's no going back. I mean, there are only so many days you can watch Jack Bauer screw up his life on Netflix.

19. There are a lot of crappy books out there. It gives me hope that someone will publish my book (that I haven't written yet) even if it's crappy.

20. 3 hours left. Then I'm home for two, wonderful weeks!

For All You Jane Austen/eBook-ers Out There!

My wonderful friend over at One Literature Nut has just posted the most wonderful news: In honor of Jane Austen's birthday (which is today--who knew?) some of Jane Austen's books and about 10 spin-off books can be downloaded for FREE!

It's true. I just downloaded about 9 of the 10 books for free off Barnes & Noble for the Nook.

So, even if you're not a big fan, this is like, a butt-load of books for free. So even if they suck, who cares? They're FREE! If you want the exact titles, visit my friend's book blog, One Literature Nut. It's all very exciting.

P.S. You can only get them TODAY. So HURRY UP and start downloading. Like, now!

Another Grammar Tutorial --By Request--and Edited

I've had a request to go over some commonly confused words with my grammar tutorials. Commonly confused words--you know, sets of words people confuse and don't know how to spell? Well, here's a list, how to use them, and some hints to help you.

1. Then/Than:
   

• "Then" is a time indicator. "Then instead of now," or, "this happened, and then this happened, and then this happened."
• "Than" is a comparison. "I like Joe better than you," or "My life is more righteous than yours." These statements, of course, are not true.
• HINT: thEn= timE ; thAn= CompArison. Not my most unique hint, but it works.

2. There/They're/Their:

• "There" is a location. "You are here, please go there"
• "They're" is a contraction of they and are. "They're all so spectacular"
• "Their" is a possessive. "They are getting in their car."
• HINT: tHERE= opposite of HERE (see how they're the same word?); tHEIR= HEIR of the throne (you inherit it, or OWN it; see? Possessive)
  

3. Between/Among:

• "Between" is to be used with TWO people, places, or things
• "Among" is to be used with THREE OR MORE people, places, or things

4. Good/Well:

• "Good" is an adjective--which means that it is to be used when describing what a person, place, or thing is. For example, "This is a good sandwich." or "You did a good job." In both of these sentences, we have a noun (sandwich, job), and a modifier (or a descriptor) of the noun (good).
• "Well" is an adverb--which means that it is to be used when describing how something was done. For example, "It was a job well done." In this case, the action word, "done" is modified by the word "well." "He said it well." This one sounds weird, but it is actually correct because it is modifying how it is said, which is an action.
  
• 
  
• 5. Regardless/Irregardless: These words are basically the same word. What happened was that stupid Americans, who fancied themselves brilliant, started using 'irregardless" in place of "regardless" because it sounded smart, even though it wasn't a real word. So eventually, instead of fighting the degeneration of our language, Webster threw up its hands and said, "whatever." So it is a word. Yet another example of how we have allowed our language to become bastardized.

6. To/Too:

• "to" has two meanings: the first is placed in front of verbs (to walk, to laugh, to love, to learn, etc). This is called an infinitive. "To" also shows position or placement (to the store, to the movies, to the boss, etc.) In this case, it is called a preposition.
  
• "too" also has two meanings. The first is quantity, as in "I have too many O's in my word!" or "A girl can never have too many pairs of shoes" The other meaning is "also," as in "I wanna go to Harry Potter, too!" or "I, too, have read Harry Potter at least 7 times."
• HINT: you can remember to use a "too" word by thinking this the phrase I wrote above, "I have too many O's!"
• SIDE NOTE: If you are using the "also" version of "too," you should surround the word (too) with commas.

7. Theater/Theatre:

• These words mean the same thing. Basically, the -er version is American, and the -re version is European/Fancy American. What happened was that during the Colonist time period, the colonists began to feel separate from the Europeans, and they started exerting that independence, years before actually fighting for independence, by simplifying things, and making them their own, thus words like "theatre" became "theater." Some other changes were "colour" to "color," "labour" to "labor." The colonists were a hard-working, no-frills bunch-you had to be to survive the land--and they rejected the extra "baggage" letters in such words. As a side note, the colonists were also the inventors of the newspaper, because people didn't have time to actually read novels. Who knew?

That's enough for now. If you have any more grammar requests, let me know and I will graciously oblige.

Tutorial Part 2

This particular tutorial is a pet peeve of mine that I haven't really seen on any particular blog, but something I have noticed on many, many blogs. I don't even think that this is a real grammar rule, but it's something that has always bothered me, so I devised my own solution.

Here's the problem: I want to say "yea," as in , "Yea, I'm coming over." I also want to say "Yea" as in "Yea! I don't have to go to work!" But then there's also "yea"as in "yea, listen to God." Are they all spelled the same?

Answer: No. They are not. Unfortunately, I have never seen a consensus on what is correct. So, here is the Grammar Word According to Sarah:

1. Yeah: "Yeah, I really like that donut."

2. Yay: "Yay! I get a donut!"

3. Yea: "Yea, yea, verily I say unto you, eat a donut."

I have implemented this in my own spelling choices and have found them to clarify the way my writing sounds to the inner voice (you know, the one that talks when you read silently?).

Maybe if everyone likes it, we can all just start using it, and it will then become a rule. You know, like Will Ferrell did with the word "ginormous," which I physically and emotionally hate. But... whatever.

New Feature

I would like to draw your attention to the newest member of my Sidebar Team: "Have You Ever." I would also like to warn you that reading these might make you uncomfortably familiar with me.

Yet another in less than 24 hours!

Yes, I'm leaving another post. Why? Because I'm wasting time and taking a break from badly written essays on the effects of reputation. And because I want to feel happy about something and not frustrated, the way I have felt for the past three days I have been back to work.

Last week, I noticed Alice picking up a lot more words. My Pediatrician told me Alice should have about 20 words by her 18 month visit, so I was curious. How many words can she say? Well, since I had 4 whole days with my darling, I started listing words I heard her say without prompting--things she said on her own, without me telling her to, or without her repeating them after I said them. Here's the list (you really don't have to read it. It's more for documentation's sake).

1. whoa
2. mama
3. dada
4. hi
5. bye-bye
6. oh-no
7. one
8. two
9. nine
10. button
11. boobs
12. rock
13. ball
14. pretty
15. yeah
16. no
17. help
18. bite
19. yummy
20. go
21. Elmo
22. swing
23. night-night
24. draw
25. hot
26. up
27. please
28. thank you
29. more
30. apple
31. I did it
32. toot-toot
33. poop
34. ice cream
35. cookie
36. cracker
37. eat
38. all done
39. gone
40. moo
41. walk
42. hat
43. shoes
44. jump
45. dog
46. broken
47. hello
48. grandma
49. grandpa
50. home
51. binky
52. blanky
53. achoo
54. head
55. pumpkin
56. ear
57. car
58. hoo (owl)
59. boo
60. cold
61. kick
62. knock-knock
63. Donald
64. duck
65. quack
66. frog
67. hair
68. book
69. hungry
70. Costco

So far. We add a couple new words everyday. She's such a smart cookie!

Short Tutorial

I hope I don't offend anyone, but since...I do anyway, why hold back? For all you bloggers out there:

1. If you have two complete sentences that you would like to combine, use a comma (,) and a conjunction (and, but, or, etc) between the two.

2. They're means "they are." There means the location. Their means the possession.

3. When you have an introductory clause, like the one here, you need a comma before the rest of the sentence.

4. A semi-colon (;) is a "soft period (.)" You use it in the same place as a period, but it doesn't quite end the sentence. For example, if I have two closely related sentences, and I don't want them to be separate, yet I don't want to use a comma/conjunction (see tip1), use a semicolon. Example:

I have a hard time reading some blogs; it would help if people punctuated.

Dear Parents of High School Students

Your kids suck. Especially at the end of the term. You know it's true. That's why at the end of a 2 1/2 month break, you are very eager to send them away to school. To the place where I must deal with them 9 months out of the year...

I'm just saying.

Dear Pop Music of the Late 80s, Early 90s,

How I miss your charms! When I revisit your melodic graces, I remember times of yore, when I was both young and stupid. Your cheesy gorgeousness melts my heart and puts a smile on my face.

When I hear the melodic tunes of Paula Abdul, "A buh-buh-bh-buh, Buh-buh-baba-bye-bye," or "Look into his eyes, oh, uh-oh, he's been telling lies," I have fond memories of Vh1 and the worst veejay of all time, Rosie O'Donnell.

When I hear the throaty wails of Taylor Dayne, "Tell it to my heart, tell me I'm the only one, is it truly love or just a game?" I think of Jem and the Holograms--I don't really know why; I just do. For some reason Taylor's siren and Jem are forever linked in my mind.

When I can hear the strains of Donny Osmond's "Soldier of Love" I feel the need to run around my living room and pretend to ice skate like Nancy Kerrigan or Tanya Harding. Again, who can explain the reason certain songs are linked forever with certain events?
Oh, late 80s, early 90s, I will forever remember when Will Smith was the Fresh Prince and lamenting that "Parents Just Don't Understand." I will revel in the days when Bret Michaels crooned, "Ev'ry rose has its thorn, just like every night has it's dawn. Just like every cowboy sings a sad, sad song. Every rose has its thorn." Ahh. The poetry. How much more heartfelt can you get then sad cowboy songs? Oh, Late 80s, it wasn't just your music I loved. But it was also your hair:






Oh how fondly I remember your charms--Do you ever miss Ace of Base? Or perhaps Color me Badd? I mean, who doesn't wanna be Sexed Up?

Dear Music of the Late 80s, early 90s, I will remember you fondly, for you were my first love, however misguided it was (can you say Mariah Carey). I cherished you, had girlish dreams about Casey Holbrook to you, and cleaned my room to your artificial sounds. Oh, Music of the Late 80's, Early 90's, you completed me then, and you make me happy now.

Floopy

And I should be grading papers to get ahead so I have a clean start on Monday. But what am I doing? Watching Friends. In my classroom. And I realize that a word that has worked its way into my vocabulary, "Floopy," came from season one, episode 4 of Friends. Who knew that something like a word would stick with me for almost 15 years? Crazy.

Just an Update

Well, I've been in the swing of things for officially one month, and already I am starting to countdown until May. What's the matter with me? Nothing, really. I am enjoying my classes, and I am enjoying my students. I survived Parent/Teacher conferences (blech), and my little Alice is a happy camper because she gets to go and play with Jovi everyday. So why am I on the countdown? I don't know. I just don't feel like I am supposed to be here anymore. It's a weird feeling, and I don't know if I can describe it. There's just this...thump down in my gut, and I know. My job here is done. But, unfortunatly, no one has bothered to tell that thump that my family can't go without health care, so here I am. But as I said, I'm not particularly depressed about it. Just...not right about it.

Anyway, what's been going on? Well, Joe is still working at Chris's Autobody. He really likes it--better than his last job, anyway, but I think he's feeling misplaced, too. He's told me that he doesn't feel liek this is where he's supposed to be, either. I guess we're just in a transition period, feeling like something is going to happen, but we don't know when or how or why, or how we can help it along. We're just doing the best that we know how. I am really lucky to have the husband I do, though. He works so hard--like everyone else's husband, I guess, but Joe is working on himself, as well. I have never seen anyone work so hard to be in tune to the spirit, and the amount of faith he exerts, just trusting that we'll be taken care of. It's amazing to watch, considering how much he struggled in the past with faith and trust. He's so strong!

Miss Alice is getting bigger and bigger! I can't believe it. Her vocabulary is constantly increasing, which means my (swear) vocabulary needs to decrease. Some of her favorite words are: home, Costco, Oh No, I know, no (of course), and night-night. In fact, she asks if she can go night-night. We readily oblige. She's starting to say phrases, too. The other day she looked at me and said, "Where Dada?" or "Hi Mama! Home." She is developing a taste for PowerAde. Don't ask me why. She is so funny! And she LOVES to brush her teeth!

I am finally teaching the schedule of my dreams: 2 classes of Honors English 10, 3 classes of English 10, and one Creative Writing. IT's what I have worked for, and my mind is brimming with ideas. I really want to focus on America and the Revolutionary period this year. I don't know why, but it's another one of those gut things that I feel I have to do. We'll see how it turns out.

We're still living in the same place, even though we're dying to get out. But, because of this LOVELY economy, we're stuck. For the forseeable future. We have decided the only way we are going to get out is if things suddenly turn around and the market goes up, or if we pay off the stupid thing and rent it. Guess what thing sounds more probable? WE're never leaving. Oh well. At least have a place to live, right? Anyway, things are good. We're happy, we're healthy, and we have what we need. What more could we ask for?

Coolest Thing EVER!

I was walking out of Chick-fil-A with my free chicken sandwich (the perks of being a teacher), and I saw what has been dubbed The Coolest Thing EVER! I wish I had gotten a picture of it, because it was, as I said, Super Cool, but I have a new fan-dangled phone that I'm not used to, and I'm a little slow on the uptake. But I will describe it here:

Red. Ferrari. License Plate that said "MAGNUM."

Folks, only one word comes to mind: BITCHIN'.

What's Happenin'?

Yes, I do realize that I have AWOL in the blogging world. And guess what? I don't really feel that bad. About six years ago, when I began teaching and had my first summer off, I realized a couple things about myself that had never been quite evident: I am a homebody, I don't like the telephone, I am perfectly happy not leaving the house for a week at a time, I hate the heat, and I feel no need to do something "home-makey" with my time. And these qualities have become much more clear and more exaggerated every year I teach, so that now, after six years, I am practically a recluse, secluded from the heat I hate, and perfectly happy with not doing my hair, wearing makeup, or going on "outings." I think it's just the nature of the school-teaching beast.

Maybe not. Maybe I'm just weird. Or maybe I just live on the third floor, and the thought of going up and down my stairs several times a day with a 15 month old in the stifling heat and humidity is too much for my fragile book-reading/crocheting existence. I don't know. And I have never really cared about it before. But I have to admit that this year I have felt a little guilty with my recluse-ing-ness of my summer life, because, and I'm sure if you have ever met my little firecracker you will understand, Alice is NOT a homebody. She gets bored walking up and down my hallway from her room the front room where I spend the majority of my time. She is stir crazy, as I am sure you will be able to see. The downfall of this is that she is still too little to do things on her own, like climbing the stairs to the slide, or playing in the park, or swimming without me. And this cramps my style.

As mentioned before, I HATE the heat. This is probably due to my elevated body temperature that I have always had that causes me to sweat like a black man in the NBA. It's embarrassing, quite frankly, and not to mention expensive when I have to keep my house at a cool 73 degrees with a vaulted ceiling. So I prefer not to go out in 100 degree weather and help Alice climb the stairs and slide the 1,000 or so times that she would if she were able. What I wouldn't give to have fall, winter, spring, and then right back to fall, skipping over summer completely.

Anyway, enough of my complaining--I believe my point was, in the summer, I prefer to disappear completely and shut myself off to all human life. And poor Alice was forced to accompany me. Hence the lack of the blog. (That was quite the long explanation for such a short point....sorry.) But, locked away in our little house as we were, we were still able to keep ourselves busy. What were we doing? Well.....

I have been doing... a little barbecuing (grilled peaches with low fat ice cream...YUM!),

a little writing,
a little reading,
and A LOT of crocheting.

Joe has been....trying to convince Alice to let him play with her in her new tent,
tearing down walls in our bathroom,


and then deciding that the wall wasn't enough, and the flooring and the vanity must go, too.

Alice has been... playing dress up (and yes, that is a Transformer's Mr. Potato Head box on her head),

climbing into places she shouldn't,



and feeding herself, which results in numerous "tubbies."

So here we are, nearing the end of summer. I have been busy being a wonderful stay-at-home mommy, a homemaking wife, and a crappy housekeeper. It has been wonderful, except for all the sweating I have done.

But it's not over yet. I still have a few good, solid days before I have to go back to being a hard-ass English teacher. And I have one more project...

This is the vanity I get to sand, primer, and paint this week so Joe can install it and start tiling. Quite the summer, if I do say so myself.

Attention Lehi High Class of 2000!

Our class reunion is coming up. Go visit the website if you haven't already...

http://www.lehi2000.myevent.com/3/whos_coming.htm

Alice's First REAL Word

As opposed to her fake words, I ask myself? No, not really. What I mean is that Alice has been saying Mama, Dada, Hi, and Kitty (although she's only said it once, and she can't make the "k" sound and replaces it with the "t" sound. Yes, Joe giggled a little when she said it. He's so mature...Okay, I giggled, too). But this was the first time something came out so clear and perfectly pronounced that we knew right away what she had said. Here's the story:

I was putting Alice's pants on after her diaper change and getting her ready to leave. We needed to go to Costco to pick up some yogurt, parmesean cheese, and Clorox toilet tabs (although we came home with two new books and no cheese). Anyway, I said, "Hey, Pretty, are you ready to go to Costco? YAY!" I want to interject here and inform everyone that I say YAY at the end of everything me and Alice do, so she thinks life is a great adventure. We clapped and celebrated today when she walked in and out of the house on our patio. I am NOT overly excited about Costco (By the way, this strategy also works well on teenagers. I always have this joke that raising Alice is about the same thing as teaching sixteen year old Sophomores English. I decided to put this to the test, so one day, every time my students participated, or did something good, I shouted, "YAY!" and clapped my hands and celebrated. They thought I was nuts, but that was the best class discussion the whole year...anyway, back to the story...)

So, I said to Alice, "Hey, Pretty, are you ready to go to Costco? YAY!" and Alice looked at me, stood up and said, "Costco!" and started clapping and jumping up and down. Which is weird, because Alice lasts a whole five minutes at Costco.

So. My daughter's first "real" word was Costco. What does that say about me?

A Year of Alice

My Dear Sweet Alice,
This past year has been the best and the hardest in my life. I cannot remember what life was before you were here, and never, in my wildest dreams, would I ever go back to life before my sweet Miss Alice. You are our miracle, the most wanted baby in the world. This is what I remember most about this past year with you.

The first thing I said when I first saw you was, "She's so pretty!" Everyone had prepared me for a wrinkly, red, skinny baby. But you were pink, plump, and ready for the world.

You were such a good baby when we had these pictures taken. Only three weeks old, and already cooperating. I love this look on your face...like you were so glad to finally be with us.

Your very fist Lehi Roundup Parade! The first of many, I am willing to bet. You fell asleep shortly after this picture was taken, and I stashed you under Grandpa Jones' chair to keep you out of the sun. When the sirens and the firetrucks came by, I thought you would wake up crying, but instead, you just slept, happy as a clam, safe and sound. I had a little bit of a Mr.-Holland's-Opus moment when I thought you might be deaf. But then I relaxed when later that day you woke up from Cousin Elise's tantrum. Thank goodness!

You always gave us this wide-eyed look. You always looked as if you wanted to say something, to ask something, or to let us know what you were thinking. You were so curious. In fact, the minute you were born, you were holding up your head to take in the sights. You never slept in the car because you wanted to see and experience everything. Even now, you hate your naps because you're afraid you'll miss something. I love that you want to learn and explore!

This was your first real outing. We took you hiking up in the Uintas. Daddy strapped you into the Bjorn, and off we went. You were so good, as long as we kept moving and gave you plenty to look at. You alway had your tongue hanging out at this point in your life. I tried a couple of times to push it in, but you would have none of it. This is my favorite picture of me and you together. This is how I see us in my mind's eye. Happy with no double chin.

This was my favorite picture. You were so fun at five months! You were laughing for the first time, babbling, and smiling. You loved to take naps with Mommy, and you LOVED to play games with Daddy. You were always so happy and playful, always trying something new, always learning a new trick.

What can I say? Look at that hat! We called you Swiss Miss when we put this on you. But you were so darn cute, we couldn't resist!

This is you with Grandpa Jones. For a while there, all you would do was spit. And you wouldn't stop spitting until you ran out of air. I remember driving with you in the back, listening to a long raspberry, a huge gasp for breath, and then another long raspberry. Everyone thought it was really cute, and no one minded when they got your baby germs sprayed all over their faces.

Needless to say, you were NOT happy about this picture. At this point, you were less patient for the camera, which was constantly in your face. You just wanted to go to sleep. Unfortunately, we still had to go to church that morning. Don't worry, Alice, we were only two weeks away from 11:00 church!

You are such a good eater! You ate anything and everything we put in front of you. The only downfall to this is that, even now, you don't stop when you are full. You just keep on stuffing it in and storing it in those chubby cheeks of yours.

This was my favorite outfit! You looked like a little angel with your white onesie and your white sweat pants. Then I would put on the jacket and this huge flower, and you turned into a sassy angel. I tried many times to get you into the store to get your portrait done, but there was never any money or time. I'm glad I got this picture, at least, before you grew out of it.

This is you in your Easter dress. Again, you weren't very happy. You never are before we go to church. But you looked so grown up and pretty! I wish you could see it better. It was pink and white stripes. And it was the frilliest thing I ever bought for you. I don't know why, but you never struck me as a tulle-tutu girl. No, you seemed more like the overalls-pigtail girl. But I did it up just this once, and then I cried. How did my baby grow up to be this toddler?

My Sweet Miss Alice. This is my favorite picture to date, because, to me, this picture looks like YOU. The Essence of Alice, I guess. You're so happy, walking around, doing your "tricks" for everyone, making them all laugh and adore you. You have such a knack for getting people to make you the center of attention. You're a crowd-stopper, my dear. Literally. People stop me wherever I go to tell me how beautiful you are. The only thing I can reply is, "Yes, she is, isn't she?" because it's true. You see, they are complimenting you on your kissable chubby cheeks, perfect plumpy lips, tear-drop eyes, and your infectious, flirty smile. But what I see as beautiful is your natural curiosity, your ability to make anyone smile, your quick mind, and even, yes, your "sneaky" ways around the rules. I think the way you say, "Hi, Dada" every morning is beautiful, and I think the way you moo at anyone you see because it's your best trick is beautiful. I think the way you play in your crib when you're supposed to be napping is beautiful. I especially think the way you pick up one of Mommy's books (the ones withOUT the pictures) open it up to a page (usually upside down) lean back, and hold the book in front of your nose, just like Mommy does, especially beautiful. We love you, Miss Alice, and you have made our lives happier than we could ever have imagined. You're a special spirit with important things to do--the first month you were with us, you booed at the cartoon Laban and cheered for the cartoon angel--and we are so excited, happy, priviledged, and honored to help you get there. One year down, my sweet girl, and many, many more to go. WE LOVE YOU!

Oh So Much to Blog About

And so little time to do it. But it's all coming, I promise. I have the most spectacular One Year blog in honor of Alice's birthday--alas, it exists in my mind only. But I promise, give me a couple of weeks, and I will be a blogging FIEND. Then, I have a great story about tragedy, love, loss, and wonder that involves a little girl's first birthday, an allergy-induced sleepless night, a call-in-sick day, a firing, and a little secret shop clean-out. Yeah. Needless to say, Monday, May 3, 2010 was a day that will live in infamy in the Bingham household. That little story will also be on the horizon. And the totally awe-inspiring moment that took place yesterday when I was trying to get the AT&T people to not swindle me out of $200.00. Just ask for a supervisor, and you get whatever you want--who knew? Also, something major to look forward to--an expose. Called Life Without DVR or Bravo. It will be emotionally charged and cathartic to say the least.

But, for today, I leave you with a little analysis paragraph written by one of my students in reponse the to question, "Is Gatsby [from the book The Great Gatsby] a liar?" It makes me happy. If you've never read the book, all I can say is that this book takes place in 1922, and there are not martial arts in it anywhere:

Okay, so we're reading the Great Gatsby, and I asked my students to write an analysis paragraph answering the question,"Is Gatsby a Liar?" There is a section in chapter four where Gatsby said he "lived like a young Rajah in all the capitals of Europe..." I do remember explaining to my students what a rajah was. But here's a paragraph submitted by one of my lovlies. If you read Gatsby you will understand why it's so funny... P.S. The "Jew with Connections" he talks about is Meyer Wolfsheim.

"Gatsby is not a liar because he is a ninja. He talks about being a ninja rajah in Europe while he went to Oxford. This matters because pictures of Oxford cannot be faked during the jazz age and the Jew with connections says he went to Oxford. Having back-up from the Jew means that more people were there, or knew he was not lieing. Gatsby is not a liar because he can supply evidence for more than one side of the story."

Imagine, after reading this book out loud over 21 times in the past six years, I have never caught on to the fact that Gatsby is a ninja. That explains so much!

Random Monday Mornings

I have a difficult time with Mondays. I think most people do, so I'm not out of the ordinary--in this case, anyway. And don't worry. This isn't another depressing rant about how sad I am. Thanks to asking God if it was okay if I took a break from my calling, allowing Joe to do the dishes and help fold laundry, taking walks in the sunshine, telling my students no, and some happy pills from my doctor to deal with the post-postpartum that I didn't know about (It turns out, depression isn't about being sad--it's about losing control. Who knew?), I am feeling much better about life in general, and even my job. No, this isn't about how sad I am. This is about why Mondays are so hard for me.

I simply don't want to do anything for anyone else. Why is that? I don't know. I can't figure it out, either. Basically, this what my Mondays are like: The alarm goes off around 5:45. I don't hear it, and Joe pushes snooze about four or five times so it's 6:15 by the time he wakes me up. Now, if you know me, you will know that when I wake up, I don't jump out of bed and get started. I never have, and after six years of teaching I realize that I never will. So I try for the next fifteen minutes to keep my eyes open, trying to remember if I need to wash my hair today or not. If I do, I reluctantly get up and walk (with my eyes closed) to the shower. If not, then I joyfully turn on my curlers and go back to bed for five minutes. At this point, Joe, who is a much better morning person than I am, is up, dressed, woke up Alice, fed her, and is making lunches. He is such a wonderful wife!

Finally, I either get out of the shower or bed, depending on the status of my hair. By now it's about 6:35. I officially have 25 minutes to get ready for the day. This is why, in the last two years, I have stopped wearing makeup. No, it's not a feminist stand, nor is it a decision based on the self-confidence of good skin. No. It's just laziness. Sometimes, if I particularly don't care, I go in the front room to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with Alice for a few minutes. It's Monday mornings that Alice decides that, after a weekend of being a Daddy's Girl, that she in fact, wants her Mommy. But I can't hold her because I have to get ready for work. This is the only time during the whole day when I get a twinge of that old guilt. But, once again, thanks to the happy-pills, I move on and go to blow dry my hair and hope the shirt I want to wear is clean and not too wrinkled. Then, around 7:05, when I should be jumping in my car to go to work to make it by the 7:15 contract time, I take Alice to the babysitter, stand around and chat for about 5-10 minutes, then walk out with Joe, talk to him about another 5 minutes, go back up the stairs to grab whatever I forgot the first time, then I get in the car.

This is around 7:15. I am officially late. I drive about 60 miles an hour, because Mondays feel like that kind of driving, so I get to work in 20 minutes instead of 15. At this point, it's 7:35, and I am the last English teacher to arrive that day. I can count all their cars. But I don't really care. So I sit around my classroom for about 10 minutes, trying to look busy in case a student comes in for help with something (which they never do. I think I scare my students.) Then, when the bell rings, I say a silent prayer, thanking the powers that be that the girls outside my door (sophomores with bright green eye-shadow who swear and talk about all the bi@&!es they're gonna take out. There's a new b#%ch who's gonna be taken out every week. It's amazing there's any girls left in the school) have to go to class.

Then, I sit at my desk, start up my computer, and then stare at it for about five minutes and say another silent prayer thanking Heavenly Father for first hour preps. Then, to put off the grading that needs to happen, or any copying I need to do, I look at blogs for about 35 minutes. It would be longer if people updated their blogs more (hint, hint). Then, I decide I should update my blog, but then I realize I don't have any pictures of Alice at work, so I decide I could write about me. So I start writing a post that no one will really care to read, and takes me about 20 minutes to compose. Then, I look at the clock, see it's 8:35, and realize that the bell will ring in 20 minutes, because once again, it's MONDAY, meaning there's about 15 minutes less in each class, and I have nothing done for my students.

But I don't care. Partly because it's Monday, but mostly because I realize that it's State Core Testing all this week, and I don't have to do anything particularly exhausting, nor do I have to make copies. Then, I decide, instead of using my time wisely, that I'm going to try to change the music on my blog.

That's my typical Monday. By Tuesday I'm ready to work. Sigh. Just 6 more hours until I can go home...

New Drapes Contest

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Alice's First Easter

Tonight was the first time we dyed eggs with a little one around. Or all the way around. This time last year I was dying eggs with a HUGE 8 month pregnant belly! I didn't think Alice would really care about dying eggs, since she is still so little, but I was wrong. She was so excited just to sit there and watch us get things ready and to see the eggs, and to play with the newspaper. You can't see this egg very well, but Joe made it. It says "Alice's First Easter." I am quite proud to see that he used an apostrophe in the proper place!

This is Alice before we started dying the eggs. You can see the bright red duct tape we used to keep her from pulling the paper close to her and tipping the dye. Usually I don't think of these things until AFTER there is a mess everywhere, but I was impressed with my incredible foresight. As you can see, Alice is super excited!

At first, I didn't really understand Alice's fascination with the eggs. I mean, c'mon. They're EGGS. But then I realized that she had never actually seen an egg before. She's tasted them, but those were post-shell. She grabbed one, and as you can see, tried to eat it. Shortly after this picture was taken, she realized it was hard. She got very excited and started banging it on the counter--something she has been doing lately with hard objects (she loves the noise it makes.) She was a little shocked when it cracked. Needless to say, we didn't dye this particular egg.


This is Alice post-dye. She was so cute and happy all night! She kept mooing at the eggs. These days, she moos at everything. That or makes monkey sounds. She's funny.

Alice trying to eat the post-dye eggs. Yes, Alice, they are still hard, even though they are a different color. This one didn't escape the counter top, either.

And even though we had fun, Alice and I still had a talk about why we celebrate Easter. We talked about Jesus and how he died so he could save us, and then how he came alive again. I'm pretty sure she didn't understand what I was saying. But it's a start.

PIGGYS!

Or is it pigg-IES? I don't know. Anyway, I have been trying for weeks to put Alice's hair in piggys (I'm sticking with the grammatically incorrect. I like it), but she wouldn't let me. I had to wrestle her down, and she would cry and cry all these fat tears. I finally gave up; it wasn't worth the fight. But the other day, I went to pick Alice up at Lisa's, and lo and behold, PIGGYS. With no fight or no argument. I couldn't believe it. Lisa is a MIRACLE WORKER. I'm serious. Because you know what? They had kind of fallen out when she took a nap, so I came home and redid them. No tears. No fight--AGAIN. And there hasn't been a fight ever since. She just wants to hold the brush. Who knew? And they are SO CUTE! Thank you, Lisa, for taming my child.

Kisses...

To everyone we love. You make our lives full of happiness and joy!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Love, Joe, Sarah, and of course, Alice