So Much So Much So Much

And yet nothing to say. I feel like my family and I have been put through the spiritual ringer lately. Nothing very huge that it's worth a conversation, yet something big enough to keep me awake at night. The bottom line is this: We made a decision, and worrying about it won't make it different. I'm being quite cryptic, aren't I? I hate it when public blogs do that. If you don't want me to know, why write about it, right?

When I quit my job, Joe got this great new job that he loved. Unfortunately, he was only hired as a temp, but we were sure it would turn into a permanent position, especially after he was working so hard and people started to like him so much. Unfortunately, we were falling short some money every month. Not enough to get us in trouble, but enough that there would be trouble if we didn't do something soon. Joe got a night job welding. So now he works 7 - 3:30 Monday through Friday at his "real" job, and 5 - 9 Monday through Thursday at his "fake" job, which is how we refer to things. While the money is nice, and I can breathe a little easier, the not seeing Joe more than 2 hours over the course of four days is not. And to make matters worse, his temp job has turned into just that: "temp." His Last day is March 26. Yep. A little more than a week away. And we have no prospects. The company Joe temps through just sent us an email that says, "Too bad about not getting that job. We'll think of you when something comes up." Not very promising, if you ask me. So we're on the hunt again.

I have come to realize that Joe is not only my husband, but he is my best friend as well, which shocker right? Most husbands and wives are best friends. But lately, not only do I feel like I lost my husband, but I don't even have a friend to bitch about it with. Hmmm. See? Nothing earth-shattering. Nothing more than what many, many people have gone through. But enough to keep me up at nights. While Joe sleeps. Loudly.

This isn't really a pity-post, because, even though I do miss my career, I would miss my girls so much more, and if this is what is we need to do so my girls can be raised by their parents, then so be it. But I just wish it wasn't so inconvenient. I wish having faith in Heavenly Father were a little easier. But then again, if it were easy, everyone would do it, right?

So. Faith. Tally-ho!

And since no post is complete without my two little gorgeous girls, here they are.

Daisy Fay, at seven months. She's SO CUTE! She is the happiest baby I have ever seen, and she loves her Mama. The only time she cries is when I put her down for a nap, and her little cry is so gut wrenching, you would think her first boyfriend dumped her over Facebook. But she is my baby.

Alice Nichole, or as she says it, "Ayis MNicho-ol Bingham," Two years and ten months . Alice is full of piss and vinegar. She is bossy, independent, and has a very strong sense of what she wants. Which makes her a very difficult to raise as a toddler, but I am hoping will make her very strong as an adult. I am hoping what I call "stubborn" and "impossible" will turn into "secure" and "integrity" when she gets older. That's the only thing that keeps me from "breaking" her. I try to work with her sense of independence instead: "Alice, these are your choices: you can either eat the dinner Mommy has cooked, or you can go to bed hungry. Which do you choose?" And sometimes she chooses to be hungry. She doesn't get in trouble at all, she is just hungry. She doesn't like it much; in fact, the other day, she said, "Mommy, I don't want choices." Well, I don't either. But that's the way things are. And Alice is purely Daddy's Girl.

So, we are as good as it gets right now, and we are praying that when God closes a door, he opens a window. We're looking for a window to climb through right now.