There is an end in sight...

So I went to my 39 week appointment today. The doctor asked me why I wasn't in labor yet. I almost started to cry, because I don't know. I ask myself that everyday: "Self," I say, "Why aren't you in labor?" Unfortunately, my self doesn't know.

So I rescheduled my induction date. I had scheduled it for August 11, one whole week after my due date, thinking I would rather go into labor on my own. I have since changed my mind. I rescheduled today for WEDNESDAY! YAY! So, in other words, if I don't go into labor this weekend (which I probably won't) we will definitely have a baby by Wednesday. Which means I will be coming home from the hospital by my 6 year anniversary (August 5).

I cannot tell you how happy that makes me. Really I can't. I have been laying around in bed and my house, hopelessly depressed because I can't bend down because the baby is so low, I can't lift my legs because of all the insanely painful pressure on my lady parts, I can't lay down because of the horrible acid reflux, I can't sit for too long because of the back pain, I can't stand too long because of the swelling in my legs, I can't lay for too long because my hips hurt, and I can't roll over on the other hip because of the, once again, incredibly painful pressure on my legs and my lady parts, and I can't bend over or lift my legs enough to get dressed--to the point where Alice feels the need to help me pull my pants up. To say the least, this has been the most miserable two weeks of my life. And I only have to stand it for 5 more days! YAY! I might actually go buy groceries and feed my family something other than mac and cheese for dinner tonight. That's how excited I am.

But the reality of this baby actually coming out of my body and sleeping in a crib instead of on my bladder is causing me to face yet another reality: Cloth Diapering. Yes. You read that right. I am switching to cloth diapers. And yes, they still exist. My reason for switching to cloth diapers is two-fold: One, they will save us incredible amounts of money. It has cost us around $3,000 to diaper Alice--this is both diapers and wipes. So far, it has cost me $400.00 to buy enough cloth diapers to get me through the same amount of time. The savings alone are enough to convince me, and Joe, that it was a switch worth making. This is everything I have:

• 12 Kissaluv Fitted diapers, size 0 (For a newborn. I am to the One Size diapers don't really fit little bitties. So I sprang for the fitteds.)
• 6 Real Nappies white PUL covers (PUL is basically waterproof fabric. Apparently, a fitted doesn't stay dry, so you need a cover. This isn't one of the big brand names you would find if you started researching cloth diapers, but they were inexpensive and had really good reviews on amazon.)
• 12 prefold cloth diapers, infant size. (prefolds are usually what you think of when you think of cloth diapers. These are to be used when I am doing laundry. I can stuff them in the covers and use them like a regular diaper, or I can fold and pin. Look at me, being all old-fashiond-y)
• Three Snappies (so I don't have to use pins. I don't trust myself)
• 10 one-size Kawaii pocket diapers (these are super cute diapers that will adjust to fit babies from about 12 lbs to 30 lbs. They have snaps, and you can put them on like disposables. The only difference, besides the fact that they're cloth, is that there is a pocket in the back that you can stuff with absorbant material, like bamboo inserts, microfiber inserts, prefolds, or even an old t-shirt, if you get desperate. The Kawaii brand is apparently pretty reliable, good quality, and by far the cheapest diaper I could find)
• 2 one-size Just Simply Baby pocket diapers. These are almost identical to the Kawaiis. The only difference is that they are ALWAYS in stock and have more variety of prints. It's really hard to find the Kawaiis somewhere in stock. And these are only a couple dollars more than the Kawaiis. I think if I need to buy more, I'm going to buy through this company.
• About 40 or so home-made cloth wipes
• A wipes warmer for storage
• 2 travel-size wetbags (to carry yucky diapers in)
• one very large wet bag that hangs on the back of the bathroom door (again, for yucky diapers)

So I have already been using the one size pockets on Alice, and she loves them. She calls them her "special diapers" and likes to pick out the colors and prints to wear. But we have stayed to mostly disposables mostly because Joe does a lot of changes now, especially on the weekends, because I have a hard time bending over. And he's not a big fan of the cloth diapers, especially putting them on. I think they intimidate him.

But the plan is to fully cloth diaper this new little one. 95% of the time. We're going to lift as many disposables off the hospital as we can (insurance pays for it) to use for emergencies, and buy one box of disposables when we run out for the same reason (Joe thinks church is an emergency, but I plan on doing cloth at church, too. But if it makes him happy, I'll let Joe use a disposable whenever he wants. IT will still save us money.) So. I am diving into a world of lots of laundry and lots of poop. But I think I can do it...if Joe will jump on board. I'll let you know how it goes. Apparently, when you cloth diaper, you become obsessed by laundry, laundry soap, the quality of your water, and the stickiness of poop. I'll try not to become the psycho diaper lady, like most of the blogs I have been researching lately. I promise.

Let's see, I think I said my reasons are two fold, right? Well, I lied. There is a lot of environmentalist stuff to be said for cloth, but I don't really care about all that. I don't care if my diaper takes 5oo years to decompose. Heartless? Maybe. But it's true. I don't really care about all the "unsafe toxins" that is supposed to be in a disposable. Let's face it, we're all going to get cancer from burnt toast or water bottles or something anyway. All I really care about is saving a buck.

And 400.00 dollars, possible 450.00 if I decide I need the top up Real Nappies pack later on, versus 3000.00 over the next two years? Umm....I'll take the 400.00, thank you.

So, here comes another baby. And here comes cloth diapers. I'll let you know if they really stink as much as you might think. Or if the laundry is really that bad. Or if it sucks really bad. In the meantime, the next time I blog, it will probably be to announce a new baby--will it be a boy or a girl? And will Alice get her way in names (Alice had decided that a girl will be named Minnie Mouse and a boy will be named Donald)? And will this baby look as much like me as Alice does? Or is it Joe's turn for a look-alike? We'll see! So exciting!

Feeling a Little Lost

When I graduated high school, I knew exactly what I wanted to do: I wanted to be a teacher. And I wasted as little time as possible getting it done. I went to school right away, only giving myself summers off to work and save money for the next round of books to buy (when you're an English major, we're talking 400-800 dollars on books per semester).

I didn't take the customary year off, I didn't play a little bit. I graduated in May of 2000, started college in August of 2000, and didn't stop until I graduated college in April 2004. Then, I got a job right out of college and started teaching at my Alma Mater August 2004. And I have been returning to school to teach every August since. Until now.

For the first time since Kindergarten, I am one week away from August and am not getting ready to go back to school. I went to Wal-Mart the other day and walked right by the school supplies. You know, kind of like you do when you see an old boyfriend and then pretend you didn't so you don't have to revisit the pain? School supplies are like my old boyfriend--except they're not douche bags. They just cause pain, is the point.

It's not like I am permanently separated from school--I'm still doing lesson plans for my sub during maternity leave, and I am still attending any meeting I can before Baby makes his/her appearance (15 more days!). And I do realize that I will be back in the swing of things starting October. But October ISN'T school season. It will feel so weird. And I'm going part time. Never in my life have I part-timed anything relating to education. I've part-timed being a mom and wife and housekeeper. I've part-timed being a pizza maker, sandwich maker, hostess, and grocery checker. But if it related to education, whether I was doing the assignments or giving the assignments, I have been in, whole hog, all or nothing.

And that's changing. I am almost 3o years old, and I don't know how to not be in school. I am going to be 30 on September 9, and for the first time since I was 5, I will not be celebrating at school.

I'm at a loss of what to do, really. I don't know how to live life without school or planning for school or shopping for school. I don't know how to dress if you don't go to school--Do regular people buy clothes for themselves at times other than August? I don't. I buy "back-to-school" clothes once a year. What do people wear when they don't go to school everyday? Do they still shower and wear nice clothes? (Believe it or not, I have some really nice clothes. But I haven't been able to wear them for about 3 years, because right when I was starting to get my body back from being pregnant with Alice, I got pregnant again.) What do people do during the day in the fall? I've never been home during the day in the fall. In summer, I stay inside in my pajamas recovering from last school year and gearing up for the next. What do you do when you don't have anything to gear up for? I realize that I should be gearing up for 3/4 time motherhood, and that will be challenging, but does that require professional dress? Because I have some killer slacks and heels that I really want to wear again if I can manage it. I don't know how to get ready to be a 3/4 or full-time mom. I do know how to get ready for school, though. I've been doing it all my life.

And more importantly: will I really go most of the fall without reading The Crucible? I have read The Crucible every fall for 7 years! What am I going to do without entertaining myself by making unsuspecting boys yell "Whore! Whore!" As loud as they possibly can as we read John Proctor in class (I really do make them yell it. And they have to keep doing it until they really "feel" it. It takes about 5 times before they really start to let loose. And they fight over who gets to say "bitch" too. What am I going to do without that?)

It's sad, really. I am an (almost) 30 year old woman who doesn't know how to function without the public school system. You might find this blog taking a bit of a turn over the next two months as I navigate August and September, for the first time in my life, at home, away from bells and crowded hallways. It will be a ride, to say the least.

Is it Bad...

That I think, "My kid is cuter than yours" on a daily, sometimes an hourly, basis? I am sure you all think that about your own kids, too.



















And really, who can blame us?

Updates

Lately I have been....

• going to work meetings. I know this is weird, but really enjoy meetings. I volunteer to go. I get really excited about my profession instead of getting depressed about it, which occasionally happens when you're "in the trenches" as we say. Yes. We really compare teaching to war. And sometimes I get trench foot.
• Facing up to the reality of no more Harry Potter anticipation. For the REST OF MY LIFE. It's really hard and slightly depressing. I have spent the last 12 years waiting for the next book, the next movie, the guess of who's going to die and who's going to live. It's the end of an era, people. This was a once-in-a-lifetime-series, and I am sure I will never read something like this again.
• Counting minutes between contractions. I have been contracting regularly almost every night, but apparently this baby is all talk and no action. I was getting really worried last night when they started coming harder and harder--at the beginning of HARRY POTTER. I was like, are you kidding me! But I took Joe's reasoning the last time I went into labor while watching X Men Origins: we're not leaving until it seriously hurts. Well, I made it through the movie (every 4 - 6 minutes) and through the night. Contractions stopped around 2 in the morning, and baby is still here, sitting as low as humanly possible without falling out. The kid is going to have a square head from me sitting right on top of it.
• Trying to not be a bad mom to Alice even though I am really too tired and hot to do anything. I feel really bad because she wants to go and play, but I just really, really can't face walking up and down my stairs some days. I think this is why Daddies were invented (well, besides for the obvious reasons) he comes home and livens things up for her. I hope that she'll like me again after I'm up and around and not so tired anymore.
• Trying to crochet a blanket. It's harder than you think because it's hot, and I don't want a blanket on my lap, and Alice LOVES to crochet. This doesn't sound bad, but let's remember that Alice is 2. Her idea of crocheting is to hijack my yarn and needles and create knots that I later have to untangle. But you should see her cute little face when she looks at me and says, "yook, Mommy! I made it!" So I let her, even though I regret it later.
• Looking at all the recipes I want to make. When I'm not hot and I can actually reach the stove.

All in all, it's not been too bad going at this point. I'm ready to be done, and I'm ready to not be sore and walk like a penguin. Just three more weeks....