Sometimes I Wish...

1. That God would bless me with a dream about sparkly vampires so I could wake up and write a (sub-par) best-selling series and be rich.

2. That babies came in a back-pack that you carried around. That way, when you were tired, or sick, or just sick and tired, you could hand over the Gestation Pouch (which is what I would call it) and at the same time hand over your fatigue and morning sickness.

3. All water tasted like Diet Coke

4. Schools required and provided uniforms. Not the students, the teachers.

5. That all songs had similar, peppy beats just like "The Pina Colada Song."

6. That the week went Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Saturday, and then repeat. This way, no Mondays (but I suppose Tuesday would take the place of Monday, but there always has to be at least ONE loser in every bunch).

7. That the world would realize that the truth of the matter is that there really is at least ONE loser, if not more, in every bunch.

8. That all weird high-school boys who played Dungeons and Dragons could find equally weird, yet endearing girls to flirt back with them. It should be a requirement of the universe.

9. Amy Winehouse wasn't a druggie loser. Her music is FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC

10. That the most common punctuation mark was the exclamation! That way! Everything would be exciting! All the time! Even if I said something like, you are the worst loser in the whole entire world! At least it would be exciting!

11. That people would be completely honest. At least we'd all know where we stood.

12. That Elton John would be as cool as his songs

13. That Kelly Clarkson would write more angry-girl music

14. That cable companies would give you a little paper with check-mark boxes and prices next to every channel. Then, you would just go and check the channels you wanted, and your bill would be the price of all the channels you actually watched. And that Cable was regular TV. And that DVR was written into the constitution as a unalienable right.

15. 70's Soft Rock was all the rage. I would be SO cool.

16. My life was a soap opera. That way, I would have great, big hair and way too much makeup, and I could throw people down the stairs. I would also have an evil twin, two or three lovers, but only one true love, and that true love would die, but then come back to life as a younger, sexier version after 20 years of being dead. It would be fabulous.

17. That I could get paid to stay home and do laundry. I would be paid by the article of clothing--and do you know what? I would charge per sock instead of per pair. Because I am just that greedy.

18. That water tasted like Diet Coke. Did I already say that?

19. That I was a professional student. I would get a degree in carptentry, Home Economics, English (again), History, politics, culinary arts, photography, and Creative Writing

20. That winter lasted 2 months, summer lasted 2 months, and the other 8 months of the year were Spring and Fall.