Recent Thoughts About Being a Mormon.

I know.  When you've lived your whole life going to church in Utah County, it is very rare that an actual practicing Mormon considers her Mormon-ness.  But lately I have been bombarded by people who hate Mormons (that's my fault for reading comments on political websites), or who are, as they phrase it, "Recovering Mormons," as if they were recovering from some debilitating disease.

The most commented thing is the issue of polygamy, and how Joseph Smith coulda done it, how women are disrespected, and why in the world would the Mormons stop practicing polygamy just because the US Government OUTLAWED IT?  Like God has to follow earthly laws.

Let me just say right now that I don't know.  I don't know how the people in our early history dealt with it.  I have thought about it a lot, and for some reason it doesn't bother me at all.  Really, it doesn't.  Don't get me wrong, if I knew Joe was going somewhere else to have sex with another women different nights of the week, I would probably gouge my eyes out and die of that horrible pain that sinks in your stomach when something that you really love isn't available to you.  So I can't say that the reality wouldn't be heartbreaking now, but the reality of what it was then doesn't bother me.  For one thing, it wasn't just like a free-for-all, "Hey, all you hot men!  Take the all the women and  PAR-TAY!  Sex it UP!"  I don't think so.  It was a calling, and it was a calling that you could or could not accept, just like being the Sunday School teacher.  And if you did it without being called, well just imagine walking into Primary and start running Sharing Time when you're not the President.  It would just be weird.  Sometimes men were asked to marry older women just so the women could have someone to take care of them.  Sometimes the men married younger women, and I don't know why.  I don't know why it was okay, but something tells me it was about giving everyone the opportunity to be sealed in the highest degree of heaven, since there were a lot more women than men, and something about the Lord needing to send many new spirits to the earth to build up his kingdom--which is not, as some people say, an army or drones--and there were not enough men to help women have children in the acceptable way, meaning marriage.  So there.   As to the issue of having polygamy in heaven, well, it's not a pleasant thought, but  I'm hoping that by the time that happens that I will have a fuller vision of the Gospel, and will have been perfected enough to open up my family to others who want to experience those blessings.  Bottom line, I don't know.  I can't explain it away.  And guess what?  It's not my job to explain it away, and it doesn't matter to me right now.  Someday, when I'm actually faced with the issue, I'll suppose I'll do what I do with everything I'm told by the church: pray about it and decide for myself.  Yes, I am a Mormon, I am a woman, and I think for myself.  THE SHOCK!

And finally, "Why would the church just stop practicing polygamy if it was from God.  Does God have to answer to American Government?"  In a word, yes.  "We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates and in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law."(That's the Twelfth Article of Faith, by the way).  God wants us to be good citizens and follow the law, because otherwise, there would be a bunch of people running around going, "You can't tell me what to do!  You're not my real Heavenly Father, so neener, neener, neener."  God likes orderliness, cleanliness, and all that other -iness stuff.  Chaos and confusion is just so chaotic and confusing,  so God wants us to be orderly people so we follow laws.  Is that so hard to believe?

 I don't find it hard to believe that Heavenly Father would tell his people, "So, society doesn't really understand what we're doing here, and really, they never will.  And look, you've already been ridiculed, persecuted, and pushed out of everywhere you've ever tried to live.  And now, you're going to be outlaws.  So, for now, because the rest of the world isn't ready for this, we're gonna stop the polygamy thing.  Because we follow the law around here."  Why is that so hard to believe?  It's not that an unchanging God is changing.  It's God giving respect to the government and allowing his followers to not run from the law the rest of their lives.  It's Him being merciful.

And the whole beef people have with women "not being able to hold higher offices because of the lack of a p-----."  Believe it or not, that was an actual quote I read on a blog.  So let me tell you my view, and remember, this is the Gospel According to Sarah, so take it for what it's worth, but it makes sense in my brain:  When Alice or Daisy are sick, I instinctively know what to do, like hold their hair back when they puke, rub their bellies, sing them songs, talk quieter, call the doctor, give them fluids, or just plain make them feel better by being next to them and letting them wear their favorite jammies.

Joe, on the other hand, has to be told what to do.  And it's not because he's inept, because heaven knows he has his crap together a lot more than I do, but there's something about GROWING A HUMAN FROM SCRATCH and then FEEDING THAT PERSON WITH YOUR BOOBS (actually, I didn't breast feed.  But I did get up every night to feed a person with a bottles.  My boobs don't really work properly) that makes you a little bit more in tune to what that person needs.

So why can't women hold "upper offices?"  I don't know.  But I know why I couldn't be a Bishop or a Stake President.  Because, while I would be tending to other people, who would be watching my kids? Again, Joe is a really good person, and an excellent father, but he didn't grow a person inside his body.  He doesn't know how to troubleshoot things that talk back and spew lots of different kinds of bodily fluids at you.  And, let's be completely honest, I would be a horrible Bishop or Stake President, because I am too emotionally invested in people, because I am a girl.

I would say things like, "you did what?" or, "I know, why don't you get a job," or, "maybe it's because you are a mean person," or "Have you ever thought about not looking like a slut?" But someone like Joe, or my dad, could look at a problem from all angles and give good, logical, wisdom.  And I think it's because men are biologically wired to do that, just as I am biologically wired to invest emotionally.  Let me tell you, if you want logical, measured advice to a problem, you talk to my dad.  If you want someone to hate people who are mean to you and to threaten to scratch out her skinny eyes, you talk to my mom.  And I think it's supposed to be that way in order to meet people's needs.

So that's what I think.

One last thought: I have read blogs from "recovering Mormons," and they seem so sad, cynical, or just plain lost.  I'm not going to tell everyone that I know the Church is true, even though I do.  But I am going to say, so what if it's not true?  I have a good family, and I am a good person.  So what if I'm wrong in my religion?  How does that hurt other people?  My church gives me hope, and helps my children cultivate a relationship with a Higher Being, which we like to call God.  I feel good when I read about Christ, and I like the way that my church emphasizes nuclear families.  I like that I give more money to charity than most other Americans, and I like the the way my church helps people with that money and takes care of one another.  And if someone out there doesn't like Joseph Smith, and thinks I'm stupid for believing him, so what?  I'm not a skeezy crack-whore, I don't have any STDs, I have pretty good grammar, my children are taken care of, and when I have problems, I feel like I have someone Up There that knows what I'm going through and can help me through it.  And I have yet to not come out the happy end of a bad problem.

So, tell me again why my church is bad?