Physics, Scriptures, and Why I Won't Weigh Myself.

(Note: I'm really just starting to wrap my mind around all these ideas I'm talking about, so I am sure there are other sources out there that can explain it better, and at the end of my post, I'll list the few I've been reading. And again, I'm not trying to educate anyone or convince anyone or anything.  I'm just explaining my journey and my thinking)

I do no like science--I mean the study of it, not the actual function of science.  I am very glad science works.  And I am equally glad that there are people who want to understand it and work with it. I am not one of these people, and I do not care to become one.

Alas, the public school system forces science upon all of us, and after taking various science classes through elementary school, jr. high, high school, and college, I can honestly say I know very little about science, and I care even less (there's not judgement here. I'm sure those who are scientists and study science view my intense study of The Great Gatsby and Harry Potter equally boring and unimportant, although I did predict the financial collapse in 2008 purely from looking at historical patterns in The Great Gatsby. But I digress).  In all my years of scientific study, I can honestly say I remember and understand only one thing:

Newton's 3rd Law of Motion: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

This is a law, which means it is accepted by almost everyone in the whole of forever to be true. This particular law means that if I throw a basketball on the ground, it will bounce (I'm sure there is someone out there who would give a much more accurate example).

So why does this law mean I won't weigh myself?  I'll get there.  Just stay with me.

This is a widely accepted law of the physical world.  There is no argument about this law, mostly because people can test it for themselves and see it come true.

This law, just as it works in the physical world, also works in the metaphysical (or, as I like to call it, Spiritual) world, except with a little twist.  For every spiritual action, there is a multiplied reaction.  Meaning, every time I put a spiritual act out there in the universe, I will receive it back, only multiplied.  This sounds kooky, I know, and many people just don't believe in all this universe-spirit stuff, but if you think about it, we as a culture kind of have already accepted it.  Think about some of our common sayings: What goes around comes around.  Karma's a bitch. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. This is all based on the idea that for every spiritual action, there is a multiplied reaction.

I believe this. I believe that what we sow we will reap.  So, if this is true, one must ask, okay, then, what qualifies as a spiritual action?  

Prayers. Thoughts. Words. Focus. Fears. Worry. Actions. Complaints. Faith

So, wait, you ask, basically everything I think and do is a spiritual action causing a multiplied reaction? Yep. I know.  Mind blown.  

But think about it.  Ever heard of Murphy's Law?  Basically, anything that can go wrong will go wrong?  Ever asked yourself why that is? It's because people spend their time thinking of everything that can go wrong and worrying about everything that can go wrong.  If you're putting all your time and energy into thinking and worrying about what's wrong, then your going to trigger a what's wrong reaction--only multiplied.

Every heard of "Expect the best but prepare for the worst?" With that approach, how many times have you actually received the best?  In my case, not very often.  Usually because preparing for the worst uses more focus and energy, therefore triggering a bigger return.  

Have you ever decided you wanted to buy a certain kind of car, and then all of a sudden, you see that car everywhere?  You're desire for that car had produced a return of always seeing the car. I know. Newton's Law, my friend.  Or as those granola-kooks out there call it, the Law of Attraction.

Or as all us religion freaks call it, Matthew 21:22: "And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive."  Now, most of my life, I would read this scripture, and I would automatically think of "prayer" as formal, on your knees, prayer.  But I never considered there were other types of prayer.

Prayer is essentially communication with Heavenly Father.  There is formal prayer, both personal and public, but there is also your every thought.  Heavenly Father knows your heart and your thoughts (Job 21:27; Matthew 9:4; 3 Nephi 28: 6).  If he knows how your feeling and what you're thinking, isn't that communication? And if it's communication, couldn't that be called a prayer? And if so, aren't those informal, sometimes unintentional prayers just as valid as formal, intentinal prayers? Therefore, shouldn't these prayers be subjected to the same promise mentioned above?  

I want to examine that scripture and the wording a little closer.  The first phrase, "and all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer..." What percentage is all? 100%.  ALL things.  Good and Bad.  I can  hear you now, "Wait a minute.  Heavenly Father would never give me bad things on purpose."  Here's what I think, and keep in mind, this is theology according to Sarah, and I have absolutely nothing other than my own faith to back my up on this, so take it for what it's worth: 

This law, ask and ye shall receive, is a law of Heaven, and the law of the Universe.  Heavenly Father and the Savior don't want to give us all the crappy things we are thinking and unconsciously asking for, but they perfectly understand the law of the universe, and know when we focus on crap, we receive crap. So, because They love us, they put in helpers so we can get as many good things as possible.  

1. Scriptures.  How many times does the Old Testament, New Testament, Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, Pearl of Great Price, and modern revelation emphasize to have faith, don't rely on the arm of man, have no fear, ask for things that are good, be of good cheer, do kind things to others, follow the will of the Lord, etc?  ALL. THE. TIME. Because they perfectly understand how ask and ye shall receive works, the scriptures are filled-- FILLED, my friends, with admonitions to think good things and do good things and ask for good things.  Because They love us so much, they only want good things for us.

2. The Holy Ghost.  The Holy Ghost helps us make good choices.  He comforts us and sends us positive thoughts.  He lets us know when we should help another person.  He is sent to help us attract good things into our lives.

3. The Savior. The Savior took upon himself all the bad things of the world: the sins, the bad thoughts, the bad feelings, fears, worries, everything, in the hopes that we wouldn't have to feel them.  Because He loves us, and he understands this law, and he wants us to experience all good and happy things.

And this, the Law of Attraction, helps me understand the answer to one of the Big Questions by unbelievers: Why would God allow bad things to happen to innocent people?  Because of the Law of Attraction: He must follow the law, and grant us what is being asked for.  Because the collective energy of the world is so focused on hate and divisiveness and wickedness and evil, the whole world, the human race as a whole, is attracting hate and divisiveness and wickedness and evil en mass, and some people innocently get caught up in the crap.  And it's not fair.  And they will be loved and blessed and rewarded for their struggles later.

But, I know you are asking, I ask for good things, and I still get crap.  Let's look at the second half of the Matt. scripture, "...whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (emphasis added).

Let's say someone wants lots of money. You can ask for that, right?  I mean the scripture says "anything," so money counts.  So let's say I ask for lots of money in my formal prayers. It's not enough to ask--I have to BELIEVE.  What's easier to believe: that I will somehow get lots of money, or that I will continue to struggle to pay my bills?  I know what's easier to believe on my end.  I understand struggle and no money so much more than I understand wealth, so that's where I put my belief.  So even though I've asked for it, I'm really putting my belief in the negative outcome, and pretty much, I get the negative outcome.

Once I started to understand that all my thoughts and feelings were part of my conversations to Heavenly Father, and I realized that those were essentially prayers, I started thinking consciously (that sounds weird, right?  But how many times have we had thoughts just pop up out of nowhere?).  I was so surprised!  All my thoughts (aka prayers) focused on how fat I was, how much I disliked what I looked like, and how much money I don't have. My twice-a-day formal prayers, of course, asked for help with weight loss and money, but how can two formal prayers combat HUNDREDS of informal prayers? 

No wonder I felt like I was stuck!  I was CONSTANTLY asking the universe to make me fat and poor. Guess what?  It delivered.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that when you focus on bad things (through worry or fear or thoughts) and believe bad things will happen, then you attract bad things.  It happens to me all the time.

The good news is the opposite is true: When you focus on good things (through joy, faith, and thought), and believe that good things will happen for you, you attract good things.  It's happened to me before.  When I started learning these ideas, I decided to put it to the test.  I decided I wanted more money, so I doubled my fast offerings.  My husband got a better job like the next week. About a month ago, we bought new rose bushes, and one of them looked like it wasn't going to make it. In fact, Joe was ready to pull it out and throw it away.  I told him to give it more time. I wanted to see if I could trigger the Ask and Ye Shall Receive Law into action.

 Every day I went outside and talked to the roses (I know.  I felt silly while I was doing it, too).  I said things like, "I know you are beautiful.  I know you will fulfill your calling to beautify the earth.  I'll ask Heavenly Father to send some angels to help you." I had my little girlies bless the roses in our family prayers, and whenever we walked passed them in garden, I would say loudly, "Look! Aren't our roses so pretty!" (so the roses could hear me) even though they were just bare stalks. It wasn't a week later when that sad, little Charlie Brown Christmas-Tree-ish rose bush began sprouting new, green growth.  It has flourished, and I know it's because I asked and I believed.  And dog-gone-it, I received.

So.  This is why I refuse to weigh myself.  I know every time I step on the scale and see 2 - -, I'm going to think, "Goodness sake I'm fat." or, "Wow.  That number is big." And basically, those thoughts turn into what I focus on: fat and big numbers.  And, because I've seen the number, I will be believe that all I am is fat and big numbers, and that's what I will eventually receive: more fat and more big numbers.  And that's what I don't want.

Instead, I want what happened today: I looked in the mirror and thought, "Hey, I look better today.  My running is paying off!" and I believed it because I saw it.  I don't know if I've lost weight or any inches.  And I don't care.  I didn't want to step on the scale and see no weight loss, because then I would just believe that all my efforts meant no weight loss, so I would attract no weight loss.  No.  Not this time, Universe! I want to believe I'm prettier and thinner and my efforts are paying off! I want to attract more better looks and more results from my running! 

So no scales and no measurements for a while.

As a side note, I have taken my measurements, and I have weighed myself before I started my serious focus on exercise and eating, so when I'm done, I will have statistics for you.  But I'm not checking up in between unless I KNOW it will be a positive experience.  

One last thought for everyone: since I have been learning about this, and since my perspective has changed, and I have been conscious of the truth of the Ask and Ye Shall Receive Law, I have felt so powerful. 

I have always had this belief that Heavenly Father didn't want me to have a rock star body, or that he didn't want me to have money, because I had something to learn, or that those desires weren't in line with His will.  Now, I see that is just ridiculous. Why wouldn't Heavenly Father want me to love myself and take care of the temple He gave me? Why wouldn't He want me to take ownership of my actions and stop whining? Why wouldn't that be His will for me?  Why wouldn't Heavenly Father want me to have enough money to take care of my family, with enough left over to bless others?  Why wouldn't that be His will?  Isn't His will that I have joy?  I also believe that wickedness never was happiness, and through scripture study, I can learn what wickedness is. And if I desire things that are not wicked, like reverence and respect for my own personal temple, or money to give and bless others, I can ask for it, and with faith, I will receive it.

I now understand that I don't have to sit by and watch life happen to me, and then deal with it. Instead, I can create, with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, the life that will bring me joy. The freedom and power that gives me is unbelievable.  With God's promises, I can create my life any way I want it. 

Books that I read and Can Explain Better Than Me:

LDS Scripture (Old Testament, New Testament, Book of Mormon, D&C)

Remembering Wholeness by Carol Tuttle

The Results Book by Wally Minto

The Rules

I am a rule follower by nature. I like rules. I like to follow rules. I mostly like to make up rules and then make other people follow them (which is why I became a teacher and a mom. Total power). Starting on this journey without rules would feel incomplete and superficial and not real. So rules must exist.

But get ready, because these rules have very little to do with food or exercise for two reasons.

1. I'm not a nutritionist and making arbitrary food rules without a lot of research doesn't sound like a good idea to me. And besides, I've been on a lot of diets, and failed at them all.  And they all had food rules. The least common denominator, folks.  A lot of food rules doesn't seem to be working in my favor.

2. This approach isn't about what I can and can't eat. It's about loving my body and listening to what it wants.

So I only have one food rule. The rest are...well...they're not normal... (by the way, these are my rules for me, and not for anyone else to follow. I'm recording a journal, not recommending a program, people).

Rule #1 (the only food rule): Eat protein for breakfast
This is the one diet rule that I have learned from my many, many attempts at diets that I have found to be very easy, and also very beneficial. When I start my day with protein, it seems that is what I crave the rest of the day. Protein=good for my primitive Native American DNA. So protein shakes, eggs, bacon, ham, that kind of stuff. And maybe a steak and eggs once in a while. YUM.

Rule #2: Listen to Uplifting Music When I'm Spending Time with My Body.
That sounds a little weird, I know.  Let me explain. When I say "spending time with my body," I mean those times of day when I'm specifically doing body stuff, like putting on makeup, doing my hair, taking a shower, exercising, etc.

And I need to clarify "uplifting music." I do not mean listen to the MoTab or any other boring stuff. When I say "uplifting," I mean music that makes you dance and music that makes you feel good. Listen, it's really hard to not be happy when you're listening to "Happy" by Pharrell Williams. Here are a few of my favorites:
1. "Uptown Funk"  I'm sorry.  I just can't not dance to this song. There is nothing so fun as cutting a rug to this song in the shower. Not to mention the calories you can burn by dancing.
2. "Happy" by Pharrell Williams.  Again.  You can't mentally berate yourself when you're too busy clapping along because you know what happiness is to you. And again, the dance/calorie factor.
3. "All About That Bass" by Meghan Trainor.  It's really hard to abuse your body when you're dancing around to a song that glorifies your fat butt.  I mean, the first verse says, "It's pretty clear I ain't no size two/ but I can shake it, shake it like I'm supposed to." I totally relate to that, especially when I'm shaking it in the shower and no one can see it.  And what about this one, "If you got beauty just raise 'em up/ because every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top." How can you not like your body after that? And how about "boys like a little more booty to hold at night"?  Truer words have never been spoken.  Even I, I, who has more treble than bass, I whose husband affectionately calls my butt "asprin ass" (round and flat with a crack up the middle), can testify to the fact that boys like booty to hold at night (but they're not going to complain about boobie, either).
4. "Lips are Movin" by Meghan Trainor.  Basically anything by her.  Her stuff is naked-dancing gold.
5. "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey. I don't think this needs any commentary.
6. "Eye of the Tiger."  There has never been a more fighting/winning/effort/I-Can-Do-It song in the world. Just punch and drop kick that negative thinking out of your life!

I like to use Amazon Prime Music to play in the bathroom--it has great free songs, if you're a prime member.

Rule #3 Walk Around My Bedroom Naked or Change My Clothes When My Husband Is Watching
Okay.  This might be TMI, but there is a very good reason for this. Since I have had babies and gained weight, I don't change in front of my husband any more. I've been ashamed of my body, which, when you think about it, is ridiculous.  I mean, I've had three babies--two through the hoo-ha, and one with C-Section.  My husband has literally seen me inside and out.  He's seen parts of me I have never seen.  For heaven sakes, he's seen the doctor pull out my intestines and stuff them back in, and then sew me up, yet I don't dare change my clothes in front of him because I don't feel like I'm pretty? How stupid and totally illogical is that?  Well, no more. When my husband wants to look at my body, I'm going to let him, because he loves me, he loves my body, and he thinks it's beautiful no matter what.

He is very happy about this change of events, to say the least.

Rule #4 Dance Naked Once in a While
Ever seen that "Friends" episode when Rachel dances around her apartment naked? It's fun. And nothing lets you get comfortable with your body like dancing.

Rule #5 If I Catch Myself Saying Bad Things About My Body, Stop and Say Thank You
It's a hard habit to break, folks, saying mean things to yourself. I do it without even really thinking. Yesterday, on my way out the door to church, I caught a reflection of myself in the glass of our door, and I thought, "Wow!  My arms are fat!" I didn't even realize I had thought it until after I thought it.  I quickly followed it up with a thank-you statement, something like, "Thank you, arms, for being strong enough to carry my cute baby boy around." Remember, I'm trying to appreciate my body for what it does right instead of berating it for what it does wrong.

Rule #6 No Weighing
This is a whole separate blog post, so come back and later and see why I refuse to weigh myself.

Rule #7 Wear Nice Clothes and Look Nice
For about 6 years I have refused to buy clothes that actually fit me because I thought that keeping my body in a perpetual state of being uncomfortable and self-conscious would motivate me to lose weight.  All that did was make me feel uncomfortable, self-conscious, and ugly to boot. If I'm loving my body, I should let it look nice the way it is. I should do my hair and my makeup, not because I'm covering up the way I look, but because I'm done settling for looking less than the best.

So those are my rules. It's hard to change the way you think about yourself. It's hard to shift your focus from the traditional lose-weight mentality.  Most people, when they embark on losing weight, they are always thinking about food and exercise all the time, and they don't give their body credit for what it is right now. I realize I'm approaching this backwards, but there's a reason my body isn't it's best self.

And that's because I've never allowed it be be good enough.

So I'm Going to Lose Weight and Blog About It

Not that the concept about blogging about weight loss is ground breaking, or anything, but I have finally come to the place where I have decided it's going to happen for real.  And I'm not going to follow a "diet plan."  And I'm not going to follow an "exercise plan".  I'm going to try to lose weight by doing something new.  It's called Liking My Body.  Yep.  I really think that if I start to actually like the vehicle I was gifted when I was born, that maybe I'll start to take care of it naturally, and maybe, just maybe, my body will start to take care of me.

Let me tell you how I got here.

About three years ago, a girl in the ward I lived in introduced me to something called Dressing Your Truth.  I thought it sounded kind of cheesy.  I don't usually like things with titles like that.  I don't like talking about "your truth" and "your true self."  I don't know, it feels so hokey, so "lets-get-married-naked-in-the-redwoods-to-commune-with-nature-and-not-shave-our-armpits-or-legs"-ish.  It's not me.  I'm realistic. I'm practical. I'm normal.  So anything that discusses my truth...well, let's just say it sounded weird to me.

But then she talked to me about it. She told me how it had changed her life, and how she had realized that the things she didn't like about herself were her gifts.  Well, that didn't sound weird to me.  I mean, I've been raised to believe that through the Spirit of God that our weaknesses can become strengths. Isn't this was she was talking about, I thought?  Yes. And believe me, I knew I had plenty of weaknesses I would like to see magically vanish into strengths.

So I went home.  I googled Dressing Your Truth. I watched the free videos that were sent to me everyday to help me "find my truth" so then I could proceed to "dress my truth."  I was skeptical.

I found myself being prompted to buy into the program.

I know.  I KNOW. Totally out of character for me.

 I'm thoughtful. I'm smart. I think things through. I weigh pros and cons. I don't just buy expensive dressing programs on a whim.  There is only one other time when I did something so totally out of character for me, and that was when I got engaged to my husband after dating for three weeks, and married him within 4 months of our first date.

I KNOW!  Who does that?  Not me.

Usually.  But when I got engaged to my husband, I knew I should do it, and the same feeling came over me when I saw those Dressing Your Truth videos.  And well, getting married to my husband has worked out pretty well, so I thought, why not? and purchased the program.

Fast forward three years.  Dressing Your Truth has been fun. My fashion and my makeup style are great. And all those weaknesses?  Well, it turns out that your weaknesses don't magically turn to strengths, like I thought (I imagined I would suddenly stop being a big mouth and start being a quietly spiritual person).  No, instead, Dressing Your Truth changed my perspective about those weaknesses, and taught me how to use those things I didn't like to bless others.

I wasn't so hard on myself about my personality and my parenting style.  I started to accept those gifts I didn't like before.  My wardrobe and makeup were better. But I still wasn't totally happy with my station in life, and particularly my body, especially after having my last baby. I wanted that total happiness and acceptance of my body that so many women in the Dressing Your Truth community talk about, and I just wasn't finding it.

Finally, earlier this year, I decided I needed to be proactive about my happiness.  I read some books, a few by Carol Tuttle, and I prayed a lot. About a month ago, I received what I believe was my answer to all my prayers.

I was in the bathroom, following my daily routine: Looking at my outfit and berating my body for it's appearance. My internal monologue went something like this:

"Geez.  I am so fat. It's not fair. Why can't I have a body that bounces back from pregnancy like everyone else? It's not fair that I have to give up carbs just to lose a few pounds. Stupid native american genes. Stupid floppy skin. Stupid fat..." and on and on and on.

Suddenly, a thought came to my mind so incredibly loud, it surprised myself. That thought was so loud and forceful that I couldn't help but stop and pay attention.  It said, "What the hell do you want from me?  I've carried you through your life for 33 years--THIRTY-THREE YEARS--with basic good health. I've grown three PERFECT BABIES for you.  THREE PERFECT BABIES! I digest your food, I filter out all the crap you insist on eating, and I am strong enough to get you through your day so you can hug and kiss the THREE PERFECT BABIES I GREW FOR YOU. And still it's not enough.  Go to hell!"

My body apparently has a potty mouth, but who can blame it?  It was pretty pissed. I had done nothing but bitch and moan about my body since the time I was ten and my body developed breasts earlier than I thought it should have. My body did grow and deliver three perfect babies for me, and all I did was tell it that all that effort wasn't enough. My body has kept me pretty dang healthy all these years, and I kept telling it how stupid it was. I would be pretty pissed at my boss, too.

It occurred to me that I was meaner to my body than I would ever be to any other person. I would never, for example, accept a 12 page, perfectly researched, perfectly written research paper from one of my students and then say, "A red folder?  I thought it should be blue. Stupid red folder. Why couldn't you have picked a blue one. It would have made your paper so much better, you big dummy." But that's what I was doing to my body. I was accepting its perfect gifts and then berating it for not looking like what I thought it should.

Never once had I said thank you. Never once had I told my body that it was enough. Never once had I thought that my body served me well. Yeah.  I deserved the butt-chewing I got. I vowed from that day on that I would start to thank my body, and accept it no matter what.

But 23 years of hatred doesn't heal so easily. So that's where I am today. For the last month, I've been trying to find ways to help me change my mindset, to start to thank my body and accept and love my body. Maybe then, if I just love the way it looks and am grateful for the functions it preforms everyday, maybe it will start, you know, functioning better. Maybe if I actually liked my body, I would give it food that it liked, instead of food that I liked. Maybe if I liked my body, I would work a little harder to give it the activity it craved. Maybe, if I loved my body, just maybe, my body would heal itself and be fit and healthy, just because it knows it is loved and appreciated.

So that's what I'm going to blog about. How I'm striving to love my body everyday, and seeing if loving myself, appreciating my body for the miraculous vehicle it is, makes a difference. I've tried Weight Watchers, MD Diets, Insanity workouts, Zumba, jogging, Atkins, the Insulin Resistance Diet, and I'm still in the same place.  I might as well give actually liking myself a shot.

Welcome to my journey,

Choosing Your Miracles

I've been thinking a lot about miracles.  I have heard of a lot of people lately who have decided that there is no God because they have never witnessed a miracle in  their lives, or they have never been part of spiritual events in their lives.

I have two things to say to that: one, yes you have; and two, it doesn't matter whether you have or you haven't, because even if you have, a miracle, as we have come to define it, does not a testimony make.

Too many people define miracles as something spectacular: bringing the dead back to life, building a boat in order to save the world's animals in a flood, or seeing angels.  While all of these have literally happened in the history of the world, and all of these are examples of miracles, I think all too often we tend to think these types are the only miracles that count as a miracle (did that sentence make sense?....yes.  It did).

A miracle, as defined by the LDS Church, is "An extraordinary event caused by the power of God. Miracles are an important element in the work of Jesus Christ. They include healings, restoring the dead to life, and resurrection. Miracles are a part of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Faith is necessary in order for miracles to be manifested." I like this definition for a couple of reasons.  First, it is specific.  Second, it is general.   Third, it tells you exactly how to have miracles work in your life.  I know, sounds like I just contradicted myself.  But I didn't.  Let me explain.

This definition is very specific in that it lists things like healing, restoration of life, and resurrections, which are very miraculous.  But the first sentence of that definition, "an extraordinary event caused by the power of God," is very general.  What kind of event?  What exactly does extraordinary mean?  With this degree of generalities, almost anything, depending on the person, can be a miracle. Fantastic, I say.

For example, I think the fact that my body has the capability to make a baby from scratch is pretty dang miraculous.  In fact, if you have ever made a baby, helped make a baby, or have been a baby, then you have been witness to a miracle--the Power of God bringing to pass an extraordinary event-- in your life.  I think that's everybody.

No amount of science in the world can convince me that a cosmic bang made it possible for me to sit around eating donuts while my body makes a baby all by itself (after the initial conception, of course).  Because, guess what.  I have no idea how all that happens.  My body just knows how to do it, and at the end, a perfect little human being pops out of me, and then they grow up and walk and talk and everything.  Miracle.

And I am sorry, but a brain that can remember the words to every song I have ever learned since I was like, four, as well as have the entire script of Grease floating around in there cannot have been an accident.  The fact that I still know every word to "Lost in Your Eyes" by Debbie Gibson after 25 years?  Miracle.

When you have decided that you need to move, but you have no home to move to, no way to buy a new home, and apparently no way to sell your current home, and then, all of a sudden, it's sold without even listing it on the market?  Miracle.

Now, you might be thinking, these are not miracles.  These are just happy accidents, feats of science that can't be explained (hello, extraordinary event, anyone?), not the power of God.  Okay.  I am not going to convince you otherwise, and you are not going to convince me otherwise, and we will just agree to disagree. If this is you, you can stop reading.  It won't hurt my feelings.  Promise.  (Just remember, no meanies in the comments!)

It is at this point that I move on to what I said earlier: a miracle does not a testimony make.  I say this because if you choose not to see a birth of your child (or your own birth, hello) as a miracle, then you are simply choosing to ignore miracles.  You cannot build a testimony on what you refuse to see.  Even if you did witness something supernatural, like the rising of the dead, or an angel, it still will not convince you of the Power of God because you choose to not see the power of God at work in your life.

For example, I have always been fascinated by Laman and Lemuel in the Book of Mormon.  For anyone who is not familiar with the story, I will refer you to here and you can watch the stories and look at the pictures.  Laman and Lemuel were witnesses to many BIG miracles, the kind that most of us don't see much of.  Namely,

• Laman and Lemuel witnessed Nephi retrieve the brass plates, a seemingly impossible feat.
• They were stopped by an angel when they were trying to beat up their little brother (yeah. They saw and ANGEL)
• They survived eight years wandering the harsh desert and survived (remember, they were little rich boys who weren't that outdoor savvy)
• They watched as their little broth made a bow and arrow and single-handidly feed the clan.
• They were led by a magic little ball that somehow told them where to go.
• They built a boat with their little brother.  Oh, wait.  First, their little brother made tools to make a boat, then he shocked them, like with an electric current or something powerful like that, and only then did they help build a boat.
• They survived a typhoon or hurricane or some sort of major sea storm because their little brother prayed the storm away.
• They landed in a land that had a lot of riches and plenty.

That's a lot of miracles for one life, and these are the types of miracles that miracle-seeker dreams are made of.  I mean, we're talking angels, magic compasses, electric shocks, the works.  And, now this is why I say you don't need a miracle to believe in a God: They still rebelled from God, from the prophet (who happened to be their father) and turned away from the truth of the Gospel. They chose not to build their testimony on the evidence of the Power of God.  Nothing could have convinced them to believe, because they chose not to.

 All these miracles, and still they chose not to believe in the power of God.  That's why a miracle does not a testimony make (Now, I realize that in order to take this story as historically accurate, you would have to believe that Joseph Smith miraculously translated the Book of Mormon, and that it is a history of the Native people of North America, so this might not even be good evidence for you, which is sort of my point).

It's choosing to see the miracle, to look at the miracle that counts.  Notice the last sentence in the definition above, "Faith is necessary for miracles to be manifested."  I would like to point out that the word "manifested" means "to display or show."  It doesn't say if you don't have faith miracles won't happen.  It says if you don't have faith, you won't see the miracles. Basically, you can't demand a miracle in order to believe. That's backward thinking, that is.  You have to believe to see the miracle that already exists.

 In other words, you have to have faith.  You have to have faith to recognize a miracle for what it is, and to believe that miracle was worked by the power of God for you and your welfare.  

And that's the stickler every time: It's really up to you.  Having miracles worked on your behalf is going to happen whether you think so or not.  Look at the fact that you were born, or that you have kids who say clever things, or that you even live in a world where water exists.  Miracles, all of them, if you choose to see it that way.  It's recognizing the miracles that some people don't understand, or refuse to understand.  You can choose to see it, or you can choose not to see it.  It's up to you.  

A testimony in the Power of God is a choice.  

I guess what I am trying to say is if you claim that you no longer believe in a God because you have never seen miracles worked in your life, I call BS on you.  You don't believe in God because it is easy to not believe in God, and it is hard to have faith. It is not the lack of miracles that have failed you, or the church that has failed you.  You have chosen to fail at faith.  (That sounds mean.  I'm sorry if it's mean.  I'm not intending to be mean.)

 I have never seen an angel, and I have never seen any body raised from the dead.  But I have had so many miracles worked in my life.  I have chosen to see the extraordinary events that evidence the existence of God.

I don't think I've seen so many miracles because I am any better than anyone else, or because I am more special.  I've seen so many miracles because I've looked for miracles, and I have faith that they will happen for me.  When you look for something, you usually find it. I choose to look for miracles, and I find them, everyday.

I have two children that I made basically from scratch, and I can't tell you how I did it.  This in and of itself is a miracle, but I was told that I would never have kids.  And they're here.  There are so many more, like the sale of my house, the way I met my husband, and the world around me. So many miracles.  They're small, granted.  They could be overlooked, if I wanted to overlook them.  But I don't, and they all add up to equal extraordinary.  

God has worked to make my life extraordinary.  God thinks I'm worth having an extraordinary life.  God thinks that you are worth having an extraordinary life.  It's a miracle.

Clarification and Some Thoughts

So on my last post, I had an interesting comment by a much loved one, and I have been thinking about it ever since.  With his permission, I'm going to post his texts, and then I am going to explain my thinking.  Okay.  I deleted the messages.  So I will paraphrase what he had to say.

Basically, my loved one said he was concerned with my statement that I am not an authority on Mormon Doctrine, his argument being that I shouldn't sell myself short, and that we all can be authorities because we understand the doctrine the best we know how.  Basically.  He actually made his point much better and with bigger words.

So, let me clarify what I meant, and then speak to the concern of the Loved One.  What I meant when I said I was not an authority was that this blog is not Official--meaning it hasn't passed through what we call correlation.  Correlation is where the Brethren (the Prophet and the 12 Apostles) review what is being taught and make sure it is accurate to the Official Doctrine of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  In other words, if I say something that contradicts what the Brethren in the leadership of the Church have said, past or present, or if I misuse or misunderstand scripture, or if I am faulty in my understanding of the LDS doctrine, then I ask that you defer to scripture or the leadership of the Church.  I am a human being with limited understanding and who makes mistakes.

Basically, I don't want someone taking what I have to say and being all, "See?  This Mormon clearly doesn't understand her own church's doctrine, blah, blah, blah." Because I don't understand all of it.  That is what this blog is about--coming to know and be aware on a deeper level what I believe, why I believe it, and to become closer to my Heavenly Father and Savior as I study His words and the words of His Prophets, both past and present.  If you desire to learn about The Church's official stand on....anything...then I urge you to visit LDS.org, or click on the picture of Christ on my sidebar.  That is where you will get the official word on everything.  This blog here?  This is how the Gospel works in my life, and any insights I might have.

Which leads me to my next point.  I believe what my earlier reader was concerned about was that I might not believe that I have the right to understand the Gospel on the level I desire, or that I am somehow insufficient and silly in what I have to say.  I am greatly touched by what he said to me, which was basically, "You're great.  You have a right to study and understand, and share what you understand, and you have the right to teach that understanding."  It felt good to get a shot in the arm like that, especially when this is something that's hard to write about sometimes.  And I want to clarify this: I am the authority in my life.  I am the authority on how the Gospel works in my life.  I might not understand everything and I might not live the Gospel perfectly.  But as I pray and strive to know more of God and His Plan for me, and as I feel moved to write these words and share my thoughts and feelings on this blog, I know that what I have to say and how I say it will be true for me.  And that's all this is--something that's true for me and my life.  And I have every right to teach what I know on that subject.

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  I have a right, and some would argue, an obligation to share the Gospel.  I struggle meeting new people and talking to them about something so personal and  important in my life, but lately I have felt that I wasn't doing enough sharing, enough testifying to those around me.  I don't really know how how to do that on a "hey, how are you?  Wanna hear about the Gospel" type of interaction.  I'm weird and awkward and...yech.

But.

God gave us all gifts, and one of my gifts is that I can write (notice I said "write"not "type"), and another gift is that I can teach.  And I am quite good on both.  So.  I don't know who is going to read this ever, or what this will come to, if anything, but I am going to write and teach to my heart's content, and I am going to do my part in living my testimony.  Because I have a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  It's shaky at times, sure.  I struggle a lot.  But it's there.  Sometimes it's big and sometimes it's small, but it's there.  And it's time it got some notice.

So.  I hope that clarified any thoughts for anyone.  If not, well...you're on your own, because that's the best I can do.

And Now for Something Happier...

Enough with that uber depressing bit of self-wallow.  So I've decided something.  I've decided I'm going to be a Scriptorian.  Without the education.  I'm going to be self taught.  Basically, I've decided I'm going to read all the scriptures and all the commentary on the scriptures I can find, and then I'm going to blog about it.  Because I think it would be peachy keen.  And it would keep this blog from being a serious downer, because let's face it: we all have hard times, and I have found in my little life that I always feel so much better after I read the scriptures.

 For example, I don't like that we don't have a lot of money.  I like to shop.  I'm not like a Shopaholic, or anything serious like that, I just really enjoy the alone time and trying on clothes and feeling new.  I don't feel exhilarated by finding a deal, I don't like making my own laundry soap or bath wash, I don't particularly like the veggies I get from Bountiful Baskets (Bok Choy?  Really?  When is a 3 year old going to eat anything called Bok Choy?), and I don't like cheap shoes.  Granted, sales are great.  I shop sales, but I don't get my jollies from it.  And I don't enjoy couponing.  I can't figure it out, because it's stupid for me to buy something I never use, simply because I can get .30 off two.  I know, I know, you fit your menu to the coupon.  I've heard.  Guess what?  I don't want to.

So.  I feel like this a lot, and it has a tendency to get me depressed, but then I read the scriptures.  There is a lot of good things about poor people in the scriptures.  "Blessed are the poor who are pure in heart" (D&C 56:18).  "...the poor and the meek shall inherit the earth" (D&C 88:17).  And that's not including the B of M, the Bible, and the Pearl of Great Price.  We poor people must be pretty great.  That's not to say that rich people aren't, because when poor people are righteous, they always get more money, and then comes the pride, and then the humbling, and then it starts all over again.

So I figure, I'm poor now, I'm trying really hard to be righteous, so, according to scripture (and history), I should be rich at some point in the future right?  And then, all I have to do when I hit that point is to make sure I give a lot of my money back to the poor and be even MORE righteous (because when much is given, much is required), and avoid that whole pride-humbling-riches-cycle thing.  And go shopping somewhere in there, because, as we all know, "men are that they might have joy" (2 Nephi 2:25), and shopping brings me joy.  Now, when I think of all that, I don't feel so bad, because, according to the scriptures, I'm pretty great because I'm poor.  And, according to the scriptures, I'm going to be rich someday.

That thought makes me happy, and I've decided that I would like to write weekly posts about my insights on the scriptures or Gospel principle I've been studying or whatever.

Now, I don't want everyone to think that I'm teaching doctrine here, or that I'm treating the scriptures irreverently, because I'm not.  I'm just having a little fun to keep my spirits up, and underneath all the joking, there is truth--both physical (money) and spiritual (faith).  And I believe that Heavenly Father wants my life to be joyful.  I don't think that money will make me happy,  but I do think that money will give me more options in my life, and alleviate a lot of stress.  So there you go.

My point here, though, is that scriptures and the Gospel help me choose to be happy.  So I have decided I'm going to blog about those happy moments as I strive to educate myself more on the doctrine.

I want to be perfectly clear, and read this a couple of times:  I am not an authority on Mormon Doctrine.  I'm not proposing here that everything I think, feel, or write on this blog is Mormon Doctrine.  This, quite simply, is going to be The Gospel According to Sarah, so take it for what it's worth--not a lot.

I love the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  I admit that the unique culture of Utah has its challenges, but it also has its rewards, and I'll probably write about both.  Therefore, if you choose to comment, I am going to lay out a couple of rules, and they apply to Mormons and Non-Mormons alike:

1.  No being mean.  Period.  I don't care if you're being mean to me or to another commenter.  No Meanies.  I'm serious.

2.  No Mormon Bashing.  I, being a Mormon, tend to like them and will defend them.  This is my blog, and I will say what I want.  If you want to Mormon Bash, do it on your own blog.

3.  Discussion, questions, challenges, and counter points are encouraged.  However, I would ask that you phrase your questions in a way that will facilitate discussion, not defensive arguments.

4.  I have the right to delete your comments.  These posts are meant to be uplifting and light-hearted, and I WILL NOT tolerate meanies.

5.  I have a sense of humor, and sometimes that comes across when I analyze scripture (as seen above). I am not trying to be flippant or blasphemous or disrespectful.  I'm just trying to be me.  So, if your comments are to tell me that I'm not righteous enough, I'm not interested.  Don't waste your time.  I'll delete you.

So.  I don't really think anything I have to say will be important enough for my posts to be a big deal or whatever, and I'm pretty sure that everyone who reads my blog won't need these rules--I don't know any meanies.  I'm just laying them out there.

I don't really have a plan for what I'm going to read, or when I'm going to read it, but I hope to make it a weekly post, so tune in.  Maybe in the future, I will have some sort of syllabus.  Until then, remember: it's okay to be poor.  Just keep working hard and being righteous so that someday you will be rich.

P.S.  Because of my new feature, I will start moderating comments, just to keep everyone from being a Meanie.

It's One of Those

One of those posts that fly in the face of every Mormon Mommy Blog stereotype.  Here's a list of things that sort of piss me off.

• Daisy, my beautiful 15 month old daughter, whines. Constantly.  I'm working really hard to get her to learn some words, but part of me hopes she doesn't talk.  Because then she would turn into Alice, who never stops talking.
• Alice never stops talking
• Alice refuses to go to bed every night, and then cries because I am mean.  Just once, ONCE I would like to be listened to.  I mean, I listen to everything they want: juice, food, activities, I would just like to be listened to once.
• Obama.  He pissed me off big time.
• The world in general.  The fact that they think that this man is capable of making things in our country better is unimaginable to me.  The leader of Iran endorsed Obama.  Doesn't that say anything?
• I am really pissed that I am fat.  I am really pissed that I am fat because I had two children, and no matter what I do, nothing seems to change.
• I am mad that I haven't woken up on my own in three years.  I really want to wake up one day without someone screaming at me for juice.
• Sometimes, late at night when I am by myself and I really want to go somewhere and get out of my house, I can't.  Because it is not good parenting to leave your kids alone, even though they are sound asleep and I know they will never wake up.  That really makes me mad.
• I am mad that I don't work anymore.  I know I spent the better part of two years complaining because I couldn't stay home, but now I realize, other than being with my kids (which I do love a lot), I don't like anything else about staying home. I hate cleaning.  I hate laundry.  I hate that there is no reason for me to get dressed in the morning.  I used to love cooking, but now I hate it because no matter what I make, no one will eat it.
• I'm mad because I'm stuck in this stupid, dumb, small house, with its stupid, dumb 36 stairs.  I'm mad because Alice refuses to walk up the stairs, and I cannot carry two children up the stupid 36 stairs by myself, so she usually ends up crying at the bottom of the stairs for twenty minutes, and then walking up, and then crying for another hour because she misses daddy, who will carry her up any time she wants.  
• I'm mad because Daddy continues to carry her up the stairs, which means that I will continue to be the bad guy.

I'm just tired.  And I'm tired of being tired.  And I'm tired of everyone calling called America a democracy.  It's not.  It's a republic.