Advice for the Future

It is a well known fact that I am a high school English teacher. Many teachers will tell you that they love their jobs, that they love making a difference in the lives of many students, and that ours is one of the few professions that really do make a difference in this world. And I agree with this. 89% of the time. The other 11% is filled with thoughts like, “this is ridiculous. If I wanted to be a baby sitter, I would be making a lot more money than this,” or, “these are the people that are supposed to take care of me when I get old? Please let me die young,” or, “there is no point to this. The students don’t care, the parents will blame me for a failing grade, but will congratulate their student when they pull an A, and Pres. Bush just passed another law that undermines the hours of unpaid work that teachers put in for a policy that causes schools to encourage students to drop out just so that we can receive funding. It’s not worth it. I could go get a job at a bank that has better hours, better pay, and when I go home, I can really go home—not to mention actually not feeling guilty for calling in sick.”

But it’s the profession I chose, and it’s a profession I chose with my eyes wide open. And it’s a profession that I am very, very good at. And it is a profession I love, despite its drawbacks, especially when the students pass a birthday card around the room (when it’s not anywhere near your birthday) and leave messages like, “you’re a great dancer” (check out my link “The Incredible Dancing Mrs. Bingham” to understand that one), or “You should try to be an author,” or “I loved your class. I learned so much, and now I actually know that I can write poetry to let out my feelings.” Those few moments, and they are few, are enough to sustain you through all the crap.

With that being said, I would like to give advice to all of you parents out there that will have a student in high school any time in the future. Since most of you who read my blog on a regular basis don’t have kids, or you are just starting families with your oldest not even in school yet, I suggest printing this out and putting it in an envelope and mark it with a note that says, “Read this the summer before _________________ (child’s name) enters high school,” and then put it somewhere where you will find it when that fateful day comes. What follows are twelve things you should remember as a parent of a high school student.

12) Failure is a part of life. Sometimes your kid might need to fail and deal with the consequences of failure to fully understand how to deal with it, not to mention learning a lesson about responsibility.

11) Always get both sides of a story. Your child is always going to make herself sound like the victim, and admittedly, the teacher is going to gloss of his behavior, too. Oh, and if there is a problem, DO NOT EVER go over the teacher’s head to the principal. Only go the principal when the teacher proves to be unreasonable. And, before you come swooping in to save the day, let your child try to fix it on his/her own. You should only swoop in when your kid has done all she can do.

10) Teachers are not perfect. Occasionally, a teacher will have a bad day, or have PMS, or having a personal crisis. A teacher might say something that s/he will regret and try to fix it. Sometimes, a teacher will misplace an assignment, or mis-enter a grade. This is NOT a personal attack on your child. It’s a mistake. Just like when you lose your keys.

9) Most teachers hardly ever lose an assignment. Check every locker, book bag, and binder before you accuse a teacher of losing an assignment. If you still can’t find it, chances are your kid never did it and is telling you what I call a homework fib. Now, not all students lie. But most of them do. They don’t do it because they’re bad kids; they do it because they’re teenagers and want to avoid punishment.8) Begin to understand that if the government feels that your student is responsible enough to operate a fairly large and dangerous vehicle, then a teacher feels that same student is responsible enough to do his/her homework without poking, prodding, or excessive reminding.

7) Teachers like teenagers. We do not go into the profession to ruin lives and hurt them. Most of us don’t, anyway.

6) Never, under any circumstance, lie for your child. That being said, I know each and every one of you will, heck I probably will at one point or another. Most of you are probably up in arms thinking, “I would never lie for my child.” You’d be surprised at what you would do. Don’t call the school when your student plays “hooky” to excuse them. Don’t write a note claiming that your computer broke the night before a major paper was due when in all actuality your kid didn’t start the paper until 10:00 the night before. Don’t insist that your kid did his/her homework to try to convince the teacher that she lost it when you know s/he didn’t do it in the first place. Don’t do homework for you kid. Don’t cover for him/her if s/he cheats. All any of this does is teach your teenager that it is okay to be dishonest with authority figures (which includes you, by the way), or that mommy and daddy will always bail him/her out, which is simply not true. Or it shouldn’t be true, anyway.

5) Accept the fact that not every student is an A student. And it shouldn’t be that way. If your kid is trying his very hardest, and all he can get is a C, celebrate the C. If there was a particularly difficult unit, and your student walks away with a B+ rather than the customary A, throw a party because he made a great showing. If your kid usually gets an F in English, and he comes home with a D- on his report card, tell him you’re proud of him for working hard to improve.

4) Don’t settle for less than the best. If your student comes home with a D- in math, even though she is a wiz at it, this should not be acceptable. This might sound the complete opposite from what I said above, but the principle is the same: Expect the best, and celebrate the best. Don’t settle for anything other than maximum effort, no matter what grade that is.

3) A due date is a due date and should not be negotiable, unless there has been extenuating circumstances. If you beg for extensions, you are teaching your child that there is always a way around rules, and that they can do what they want when they want and you will save them.

2) Parent Teacher Conferences should not be used as therapy sessions. Teacher do not want to hear about your divorce, your horrible schedule, your other children who are either very successful or dismal failures unless it relates directly to their class or your child’s grade.

1) Teacher do not award grades based on how they feel personally about your child. Teachers would like to, but it’s just not possible. Instead, teachers help students who are willing to help themselves more. I never grade a student differently, no matter what I think personally about that student. WARNING: Parents who badger the teacher, consistently lie for their student, blame the teacher, enable poor behavior in their student, or think their child is perfect runs the risk of hurting their student. If a student is receiving an 89%, which is a B+, I would usually bump that student to an A-. Unless their parents have been very difficult. Then I won’t help at all. Usually teachers love their students, but can’t stand their parents and, as a result, avoid the student in order to avoid the parents. This is unfair for the student, but it is the best way we know how to avoid a possible law suit.

As you might have guessed, it’s the last week of my term. It has been a week from hell. Not because of my students, but because of parents. My advice to all the parents out there: give your kid’s teachers a little credit, and encourage hard work in your students. If you do this, your child will have a very successful high school experience.

P.S. An F can NEVER be brought up to a B in two days. It’s just not mathematically possible.