Kisses...

To everyone we love. You make our lives full of happiness and joy!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Love, Joe, Sarah, and of course, Alice

If It's a Broken Heart Then Face It...

There are some days, especially in the life of a high school English teacher/mom when the last thing I want to do is wake up my 9 month old at 6:30 in the morning when it seems that she would be perfectly content to sleep until 7:00. Then, I feel guilty because Joe and I feel the need to put her in the laundry basket (yes, the laundry basket) so she won't crawl over to my curling irons and pull them down (I learned well from Kristin). I don't really feel too guilty about that, seeing as how Alice's favorite toys in the world are clean socks and dryer sheets. The bad part is when I have to put her coat on and walk her to the baby sitter at 7:00 in the morning. Sometimes she's fine, but sometimes, like today, she wanted to stay home and play with the socks in the laundry basket. It breaks my heart.

Then, I think about it all the way to school and try to figure out if it's too late to call in sick for the rest of my life, or if we really need that pesky health insurance that my job provides, or that extra couple thousand a month that gets us through when Joe's commisson-only job is slow. I sit here in my classroom trying to figure out how to get through the day with the least amount of effort--and even consider popping in a movie (something that, as an English teacher, is akin to a four-letter word. Huge no-no) . I snap at my lovely students, because they all manage to ask the same question individually, causing me to recite the same answer 25 times EACH class period. Then, I look at myself in the mirror and wonder what happened to that teacher, who a mere 6 years ago, was staying till six o clock at night to plan "fun" things for my students, welcoming questions, and getting excited over Chapter 7 Day in The Great Gatsby.

I vaguely remember that I used to be pretty, too. My hair used to be long and shiny, and I curled it everyday. I wore makeup and red lipstick, which sounds slightly like was working the local corner, but actually looked quite nice with my fair complexion and dark hair. I had great clothes. I particularly remember a pair or khaki slacks (size 10--and a little big) and a forest-green, 3/4 length sleeve GAP sweater that clung to, what I thought was my fat rolls, but looking back, I realize they were wonderful curves. And heels. Believe it or not, I used to wear high-heels everyday to work. And my husband would come home to a--maybe not clean, but orderly--house and dinner. Every night. I wonder what happened to that person, because now my wardrobe consists of cheap jeans from Wal-Mart (size 14--kill me) and various purple hoodies so I won't get accused of not dressing appropriately at work (at least I wear a school color). I barely do my hair in the morning, so I am beginning to look like one of those teachers you had in high school that you always asked yourself, "Doesn't she have a mirror at home?" The answer to that question is, yes, but who cares anymore? I hardly wear makeup anymore, so when I decide to, I always get the comment, "Wow! You look nice!" like it's an unbelievable phenomenon. Who is this person?

I used to love my job. I used to love the students. I used to tolerate the parents. Now, I am so bummed about having to come to work I don't even bother looking decent. I get annoyed when my students walk into my classroom and disturb my depressing solitude. I avoid parents at all cost, which isn't really that big a deal, because students tend to do better (in school work, anyway) when they are allowed to solve their own problems.

I come home and my heart breaks again as I fumble with the keys to open the door. Alice starts jumping and oooh-ing in excitement and thumping the door to get inside and be home. What am I doing to my daughter? I am a mediocre teacher, and absent mother, and a horrible housewife. I'm not even that great of a wife. I'm not my husband's girlfriend. I'm my husband's broken clock that no one quite knows why he keeps around.

Then, I listen to a song that reminds me what I have to do:
"Calm down, deep breaths. And get yourself dressed
Instead of running around, and pulling on your threads
and breaking yourself up.

If it's a broken part replace it,
if it's a broken arm, then brace it,
If it's a broken heart, then face it
and hold your own, know your name
and go your own way.
And everything will be fine.

Hang on, help is on the way
and stay strong, I'm doing everything.
Hold your own, know your name
and go your own way and everything will be fine.

Are the details in the fabric? Are there things that make you panic?
Are your thoughts results of static cling? Are things that make you blow,
and no reason, go on and scream? If you're shocked it's just the fault of
faulty manufacturing.

Everything will be fine. Everything in no time at all.
Everything... Hearts will hold.
Hold your own, know your name, Go your own way.
Everything will be fine."

So I wipe my tears, pull out the makeup bag I keep here "just in case," and put on some red lipstick. I try to remember the person singing this song to me is Heavenly Father, and he's reminding me that "if it's a broken part, replace it; if it's a broken arm, the brace it; if it's a broken heart, then face it." Basically, straighten your shoulders, show some gumption, as Scarlett O'Hara says, and get about your business, because "help is on the way...I'm doing everything."

And I get up, write today's lesson the board, and get to it. I remind myself I have someone taking care of my baby so I can help other people's babies.

Everything will be fine.

Things I'm Loving Right Now

1. Meg Cabot Books: Both her YA Lit and Romances. They're super funny, and the exact type of books I would like to write someday. Lately, I've gotten in the habit of going to the Riverton Library and just grabbing any YA Lit book on the shelf. It's what I call "Action Research." I'm looking to see what gets published. Anyway, I always make sure I have at least 5 Meg Cabot books. This one is the most recent I have finished about a girl who saves the President of the United States from an assination and then falls in love with his son. It's way cute.



2. Music and Lyrics: I am the type of person who can listen to the same song over and over, and watch the same show over and over. In my last two weeks of pregnancy last May, I did little else than lay in bed and watch Music and Lyrics. All day. It would end, and I would start it again. I didn't watch it again for about 8 months, and last week, I got the itch again. I have watched it everyday during my prep hour at school. Why do I love it? Hugh Grant singing many different songs (very well, I might add) and dancing (very horribly), the Pop Music Video, and the creative process of song writing.



3. Joe's Christmas Toaster: Yes, I bought my husband a toaster for Christmas, but it's not just any toaster--it's a super-duper-egg-muffin-making toaster. It poaches eggs (so it looks like McDonald's on a Bacon, Egg and Cheese Biscuit), warms your meat (we use ham) and toasts your English Muffin. All at the same time. And it all finishes at the same time. AND, if you can believe that there is more, it makes TWO AT THE SAME TIME! So, in six minutes, Joe makes us a very healthy egg and ham sandwich for breakfast every morning. I take mine with me to work and eat it during my 1st hour prep. Did I mention I love 1st hour preps, too?

4. I found this album by accident. Yes, by accident on iTunes. I LOVE LOVE LOVE song number 6. The others are okay; the first half of the album is better than the second half, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE song number 6. Did I mention I am the type of person who can listen to the same song over and over and over again for hours without getting sick of it? Unfortunatly, Joe isn't. And I am beginning to suspect that Alice isn't like that, either. They're both a little sick of #6, "I Still Love You."

Alice and Grandpa December 11, 2009

Doing Alice's favorite thing: spitting.

Christmas Eve and Day

These pictures aren't the best quality, since we took them with the camcorder--our NEW Christmas camcorder, which takes better video than pictures. But we LOVE IT!

After all the new toys she got, all Alice really wanted to play with was the cord to Daddy's Playstation 2. Go figure. Oh, and Alice is wearing her special Christmas jammies that she found under the tree on Christmas Eve. PJ the Christmas Eve Elf as nice enough to leave new jammies for Alice, Mommy, and Daddy.



This is Christmas Eve. Grandma Lori and Grandpa Joe came over to give Alice many, many Christmas goodies. Alice got several new outfits, a couple toys, and these adorable Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls that Aunt Becky made. I know that they want Alice to play with them, but I'm putting them up on a shelf until she's old enough to understand the amount of time, effort, and love that went in to making those dolls and giving them to Alice. Thank you, Aunt Becky! We love you!

We Wish You a Merry Christmas

First up, December in pictures:
Alice seems to love the tree.
I turned around for two seconds, leaving my chocolate-covered raspberry sticks on the ground, half-way across the room from where Alice was playing. This is what I saw when I turned around. Thank goodness she still had her bib on from her snack-time. Alice crawls really quickly if food is involved.
Alice's first taste of graham crackers and her first attempt at a sippy. I think she liked it...

It's a little late, I know. I was so busy this year; I don't really know why. Life hasn't been any different than previous years, but it seemed like there wasn't time for neighbor gifts, family gifts, even Alice gifts, let alone doing anything else Christmas-y. I don't want to complain, because I really do enjoy my calling, but I have to be honest. I don't look forward to Christmas time because it means I have to put together a Christmas program for church. This means from about September to December, I have to beg and plead with people to show up to choir practice, beg them to keep coming, and promise the ones that don't know how to read music that they will be okay, which is usually true. But I don't know what happened this year. Everything seemed to creep up on me at once, and I wasn't ready. I yelled at the Bishop before sacrament meeting, and if you know me, you will know that when I say yell, I am not joking. I gave him the what-for when he really didn't deserve it. But the Christmas program came and went, and I could relax and enjoy at least 5 days of the Christmas season.

Alice has been growing in leaps and bounds. I have been running like a chicken with my head cut-off, so I really didn't notice until school got out, but here's a couple of highlights:

*Alice began crawling since December 8th, and is getting quite proficient. She ventured out onto the tile today, which, until now, has been no-man's land for some reason.

* Alice has her two top teeth coming through. I knew she had been teething for some time, but I didn't know how close she actually was because she won't let me look in her mouth. Ever. She won't even let me feel in there. Finally, I was able to force her lip up, and there they were, about ready to poke through. Poor thing. I've been giving her Motrin and Tylenol to keep her happy. Now that she knows what they are and how they make her feel better, she gets super excited when she sees the medicine bottles.

*The girl is getting a full head of hair. I can actually put little baby clips in it!

*Alice pulled herself up to standing for the first time on Christmas day. I can't believe it! I was really upset about it actually, and she got a very long and teacher-ish lecture about how she needs to slow down a be a baby for a little longer! She is only 7 months old, for heaven's sake!

Even though I find Alice much cuter and much, much more interesting, Joe and I have existed a little bit, this year, too:

Joe is still working at Automenders. It was slow-going there for a while, and things got tight for us. But, thanks to a few icy roads and some stellar morning-commute storms, we're back on top and able to pay off our debts! YAY!

I am still working at Lehi High as the head Sophomore teacher. Being head teacher sounds really important, but it's not really. Basically, all I have to do is make sure none of us are reading the same books with our classes as the other teachers. I also teach Creative Writing and English 11 Honors, both of which are daunting, but fun. Next school year, I finally get my dream schedule: 2 classes of English 10 Honors, 1 class of Creative Writing, and 3 classes of regular English 10. Finally! After six years of sticking with it, I get the 10 honors! Wahoo!

Our lives don't amount to much on paper, but we are so grateful for our lives and the way we live them. We are very happy with our little family, and will forever remember 2009 as the year that brought us our very first miracle: Alice.

Alice in November

Is just as cute as Alice in any other month...

Alice giving Daddy a great big hug. It's true, what her PJs say. Daddy loves Alice, and Alice definitely loves Daddy.

Alice love her "Tubby Time." She loves playing with the bubbles, and to Mommy's dismay, eating the bubbles. In fact, the other day, she put her face directly in the water and took a huge breath. She realized she couldn't breathe and started to panic. I pulled her out of the tub and thumped her on the back a couple of times. She finally started breathing. I don't think she'll try that again anytime soon.


Happy Thanksgiving! We went to Grandma Lori and Grandpa Joe's house for Thanksgiving this year, and as usual, Alice was queen of the bounty.