Wednesday, July 22, 2009

For Kenny...






We went to the ward campout a couple of weeks ago, and while we didn't get any pictures of me and Joe and Alice (I don't know why we didn't) we did get a couple of pictures of Camden. Kenny (his dad) moved to Arizona by himself a couple of weeks ago, and he is lonely, waiting for his family to come join him, so he, of course, didn't make it to the campout. And Kristin (Camden's mom) was unable to stay longer than a couple of hours because she had to work. So we took pictures for them. I do have to say that Camden is the only child I have ever seen spit out a smore.

Late Night Ramblings

I just sat here and listened to Alice cry herself to sleep for 35 minutes.  It was a very long 35 minutes, and I started to get the itch to write something profound; this is not it.  This is just a post where I write down anything that comes to mind.

So much is changing right now.  I am getting ready to go back to school the first time as a mom; I don't know how I am going to handle being away from Alice, and I don't know how Alice is going to handle being away from me.  I hope that I love the time I spend at work just as much as I always have, and I make the most of my time at home with my family.  I worry, not about Alice, but about Lisa, Alice's babysitter.  I'm not worried that she won't know what to do--she is a wonderful mom and I trust her fully--I worry that Alice will scream her head off and Lisa will decide after one week that it just isn't worth it.

My best friend is moving this week.  I don't really know what I will do once she's gone.  I call her all the time for parenting advice, and I don't know how many times she has fed Joe and me. Even though I didn't ever act on it, I knew I could drop by anytime I wanted (as long as it was after 10:00 AM) and just sit and chat.  I didn't have to be anything special.  I could say what I wanted, as long as it wasn't about sex and I didn't swear.  I tried.  I don't think I've ever had a friend where I felt comfortable enough to just drop by and hang out.  I will miss her so much.  And it's not just Kristin that's moving.  Practically everyone that I have felt comfortable in my ward is moving.  There are only a couple ladies in my ward now that I feel comfortable around.  It will just be so weird around here without the same faces that have been here for the last 4 or so years.

I will begin my sixth year of teaching this fall.  It's crazy to me that I am still there; I am totally blown away that my seventh graders that I student taught graduated last year.  I couldn't believe it.  And I have another student teacher this fall.  I still feel like I have no idea what I am doing, and they still trust me to train another teacher.  It's like the blind leading the blind.  Heaven help the next generation of children.

I feel like that everything in my life is different now--even the security I have always felt is shaky.  We never know how much money Joe will make from week to week, and it scares me.  I don't ever know if we will have enough to pay our bills, and a couple of times when it looked like we wouldn't make it, something wonderful would come along, like a side-job from my sister, which saved our tails, or a couple of extra bucks from Joe's grandma for mowing the lawn.  And then I watch the news, and things get even scarier.  I don't feel like I recognize the country I grew up in, and really the only thing I have to cling to is the church.

The other night, Joe was looking for jobs online.  He found a job in Virginia that both of us felt he would get if he applied.  We are fairly positive.   But we haven't applied for it.  I was talking to Joe about it, and he said, "Everything would be so different.  It's scary going somewhere where nothing will be like you are used to."  The only think I could think of was that everything would be different, except the church.  It occurred to me, that if we took that chance, that there would be a ward there that ran similar to our ward now.  We would learn the same things in Relief Society and Sunday School in Virginia that we would learn in Utah.  That was the only thing that made me say, if you want that job, let's do it.  

Now, as I type this, I am reminded that the only thing that I know is stable right now, and the only thing that is keeping me grounded is the knowledge that no matter how many times people I know move, or how many new things are happening in my life, the church is always there, steadfast and unmovable.  Something to hold on to, kind of like a portkey in the Harry Potter books: I can put my finger on it, and no matter where I go or what swirls around me, I am there, anchored to that one thing I have my finger on.  Unchangeable, unshakable.  I cling to the promises of tithing.  It's the only thing I have in my back pocket when Joe gets nervous about money.  Do we pay our tithing?  Yes.  Then we will be taken care of.  Alice will have food in her belly and clothes on her back; it's a fact, and nothing can change those.  That is one thing I know and one thing that I wrap my arms around and won't let go.  
I sit here and look around my house and realize how messy it is, and how unorganized I am.  And I realize that it doesn't matter.  I will clean the house eventually.  I will do the dishes sometime tomorrow.  But tonight, I need to be with my husband.  I need to go check on Alice and see if she has somehow squirmed and turned herself practically sideways so her face can be right next to the night-light again (see above picture).  I need to lay in bed and think about all the things that are so steady and rock-solid that I can plant my feet on as everything else around me moves so fast I can't see what I've missed.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Update

I used to write stuff on here. Now I post pictures. Not that that is a bad thing, but I have realized that I am officially a mom. And I'm okay with that because Alice is so stinkin' cute. But I will write some more eventually, even though I don't really think everyone reads my really long posts. Anyway, on with the pictures.
I finally got a picture of Alice smiling! We have been trying forever, but she just wouldn't cooperate or the two second delay on the camera was two seconds too long. But we finally go one! I can't believe how much she has changed already!

This year was Alice's first Roundup. Joe was unable to attend (thank you very much, Elder's Quorum), so I went alone, and I am telling you, I never want to be a single parent. It was so hard to lug her, her stroller, and her diaper bag around all by myself. She was really cranky, but I think it was because she was hungry and hot--she's just like her dad that way. I fed her at the parade, and then she laid down and slept through the whole darn thing. I was joking that I was having Mr. Holland's Opus moments because she slept through the sirens and the horns and the bands. Everyone thought it was really funny and clever. I was totally serious and convinced that my daughter was deaf and I would have to learn how to sign and have some sort of disconnect with her that would last until John Lennon died and I took my high school band to play for all the deaf kids and I sang that song that goes "beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Sean" except I would substitute Alice's name for Sean's, because it would be a touching mother daughter moment. But then I coughed. And she woke up. Go figure. She'll sleep through sirens, horns, candy hitting her head, and bag pipes, but she won't sleep through Mommy coughing. Anyway, the parade was the same as always: long, hot, and long, and I loved every minute of it simply because it's Lehi, my hometown, and it's tradition. Check out that hat! It cracked me up!


We took Alice to meet Great Grandma Hardwick a couple of weeks ago. She is Joe's grandma, and the sweetest woman in the world. She wasn't able to see Alice before now for various family reasons, but she finally met her, and it was love at first sight. Grandma held her and put her to sleep, something that very few people can do, except for me. Grandma said she had Grandpa Hardwick's lips. It was very sweet, and something I am so glad we got on film. Grandma doesn't let us take pictures of her often. In fact, I don't think she knew I was taking these. I think Alice will be grateful we did.

Sunday, July 05, 2009

Similac Formula


Alice has been on Similac Advance, but I noticed that she has been getting stuffy noses, runny poops, and "baby acne."  I did some research and saw that a lot of people found that switching from cow milk formula to soy formula solved a lot of those problems.  Since I had a couple of Similac soy formula samples, I thought I would give it a try, and lo and behold, Alice's Baby Acne has cleared up and her stuffy nose has gone away.  So I'm switching.  The crappy thing is that I have one of those huge formula cans that you get from Costco that is almost brand new, along with a lot of prepared formula that I swiped from the hospital.  So if you know anyone that is using Similac Advance (the one with the blue lid) let me know and I can give them the rest of what I have so it doesn't go to waste.  Thanks!

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Alice With the Blue Dress On...

I guess that's an old song from like the early 1900s; I've never heard it, but a lot of people have been telling me about it, which is crazy to me because I can think of five songs right off the top of my head that say "Sarah" in them, but no one tells me about those.  I guess Alice is just cuter than I am.  Joe's mom has been obsessed with finding that song for little Alice since the day she was born.  Apparently, she thinks Alice will enjoy it.  The funny thing is, my mom has also been talking about that song.  She said that Hopie (her grandmother) used to make her play it on the piano because it was her favorite (Hopie's not my mom's. Forgive the vague antecedent). Mom also said it was the dumbest, most boring song in the history of the world.  I guess you can see the difference between our two mothers.

Anyway, when Alice was about three weeks old, my cousin's wife (does that mean she's a cousin-in-law?  I never quite know the relations on those...) came through town.  I had been fake-joking with her that we were going to cruise up to Montana (that's where she's from) to have her take pictures, or pay for her to come down (her photos are gorgeous).  It was one of those things like, "ha, ha, we love your pictures so much, we will pay you to come down.  Ha ha.  Not really, but really, would you?"  I didn't expect to ever get newborn pictures with her, with the whole Idaho in the way of Montana and Utah thing.  But she called two weeks after Alice was born, letting me know that she would be "swinging by" on her way home to Kansas.  Who swings through Utah on her way back home from Kansas to Montana?  No one.  That's how incredibly sweet Kris was, to go out of her way to come and take pictures of my new arrival. Who is in bed right now, by the way, and has been asleep since 9:00, thank you very much (so excited about that one).

So the pictures are done, and she has posted a couple of them on her blog.  If you click on the button that says "My Portraits Rock" on my side bar, it will take you to Kris' blog, "Meet My Camera" and if you scroll down, you can see the gorgeous-Mr-DeMille-Closeups of our girly-girl.  Take a gander and then feel free to tell me how wonderful Sweet Alice is.  I accept all forms of compliments, but particularly the ones where people tell me how cute she is in one breath and then how much she looks like me in the next.  

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